Teach Me Something // LH44

Chapter Thirty-Five

"They're reporting it as a fling... thinking that I'm in a serious relationship with Jul or on a break," Lewis says excitedly as he bounds back into the living room from his phone call with someone in his team about the leak. He falls back onto the sofa opposite me with a bright smile, looking down at me on the carpet with a mood drastically different from his.

The reason I was sat on the floor with Roscoe instead of on the sofa was because Roscoe was unable to get himself up there and today I was lacking the strength to lift him. I think that was why, when I dragged my eyes up to look at Lewis with my last remaining energy stores, confusion and exhaustion are clearly visible. I let out a heavy sigh, immediately looking away as I try to not show him my frustration and hope that is enough to remove the weight from my shoulders. Unfortunately it isn't and the music from that night, with our giggles and voices, flows through the otherwise deathly quiet room. It doesn't fill it with smiles and enjoyment like I felt but instead cut through the silence with a night, demonstrating the tension that I was feeling, no doubt making Lewis aware of it too. I slide my thumb down, looking at all my recent notifications, including enough to break my Instagram app and yet another apology from Chris, being that it was his cousin who had posted the video which quickly got picked up on.

It was no-one's fault really. Lewis wasn't even meant to be there really given there were so many others so really it was on us. We got overconfident, we got comfortable... we got drunk and we didn't think it through. That was on us. It wasn't his fault that there were people so obsessed with Lewis that they found the video and made connections within what felt like seconds. That wasn't our fault... but it was us that it impacted. It was our responsibility.

"Gi?" Lewis asks cautiously, noticing my mood and maybe even my slightly red eyes as I rubbed my eyes again, the overwhelming feelings I was being inundated with causing my eyes to itch like someone had put chilli powder in them. "They don't think it's serious..."

"So what?" I ask flatly, more than a little annoyed by how happy he seemed to be about that small 'win'. My identity was becoming more and more known as the seconds passed, connections made by my friends public instagram accounts being enough to make links, it was only a matter of time until the stories he mentioned were on the front page of every newspaper in this country.

"So... they shouldn't bother you too much, maybe even at all! They'll leave it alone after a couple of days, your name might never come out. It's not great for my reputation but it's fine, we will be fine!" He tells me, seeming relieved, throwing his hands in the air as though celebrating a victory on top of his car before falling onto the sofa next to me. I narrow my eyes, my blood pressure rising as the seconds pass. I don't respond, focusing on locking my phone, chucking it away from me onto the soft carpet as I stroke Roscoe's head, trying my best to think of literally anything else. Staying calm so that I can be logical, so I can make the point that I'm trying to make. I can't even look at him right now though, his words striking me in an uneasy way that makes me want to be sick. It's not that I wanted to be in the papers, that was the opposite of my interests but as bad as this situation was... somehow his words hurt worse. "Difficulty I guess is now I need to figure out what we do next... with Jules. I should probably call her..."

"Dif... difficulty is? A-are you..." I take a deep breath to stop myself from flying off the handle as I stare up at him coldly, feeling logic quickly leaving the building. Then I take another breath... but it doesn't help bring my blood pressure down as he seems to freeze for a moment, just watching me cautiously from his safe distance before moving forward. To his benefit, he does seem to realise that he hadn't correctly gauged my mood on this before going to move towards me before I speak again, my words and eyes freezing him like I'm medusa. "Are you fucking kidding me?" I hiss the curse word escaping my mouth with more ease than I'd ever felt and I watch it take him by surprise. It was as though I'd learnt a new word or grown a head given how wide his eyes got in response. He sits back down, now on the edge of his seat as he leans forward and the silence gets heavier as we just stare at each other, both aware that it's now his turn to try and find the right words.