Teach Me Something // LH44

Chapter Twenty-Four

"You're going to run out of charities," Jenny says quietly as I sit scrolling through the list of charities in London, slowing down when I see an option for an arts centre in an area that I know is predominantly filled with people of colour. I think Lewis would like that. I already had the tickets for the next two races sorted, Lewis had almost begun helping me by sending tickets a month in advance now. The Monaco GP was yesterday and so I was now trying to organise the Austrian Grands Prix tickets as we sat on our balcony, enjoying the sun that had finally returned to the city.

It was a normal Monday evening activity for me now. The tickets always arrived on a Friday a few weeks either three or four weeks in advance but in the hope of keeping him out of my mind over the weekend, I always delayed dealing with them. Each time, the paddock passes for Saturdays and Sundays were accompanied by hotels and flights organised completely and each time I found a charity to donate the tickets to, only keeping the letter which accompanied each of them.

"No, I won't because he said not to expect a letter next week and there is supposed to be another race after this one, so this will be the last one," I tell her semi-confidently, aware that I have said those words already over the last few months. She scoffs, bored with my optimism and Lewis and mine's game of cat and mouse. I wouldn't lie, I had been extremely surprised when the next set of tickets had turned up, I'd thought my letter along with the NDA and the return of everything that he had bought me to his flat would seal it. I knew he must know I'd returned the things because he'd posted about being back in his flat with Roscoe and in the background of the photo was the stuff I'd returned. "I think," I add on cautiously because as I say, I've been plenty wrong before. That was definitely not the first time I'd said this.

"The one after that one is Silverstone," Jenny says as she takes a sip from her drink and I freeze mid-click on my email offer of the Hungary tickets. When I look up at her, she's looking at me knowingly, making me regret telling her anything all over again. She knows what Silverstone is, what that race means to him. Not sending me tickets for it means that he has given up. I should be relieved, that's what I've been waiting for.

"G-good. I'm sure he has friends and family that should have the tickets," I say, voice wavering as I try to ignore what she's saying and go back to writing the email. Or I go back to trying to write the email but unfortunately for me, I'm way too distracted by the thoughts in my head to do this successfully as memories and conversations flood my mind. "It's good."

"Okay so Silverstone is your favourite track-" I begin to ask Lewis a question as we're in a private room on a plane to Brazil. We had a quick turnaround from seeing his family after school ended and now we were travelling overnight, so he had organised for us to share a room with a bed in it... on a flight - something I didn't know even existed before now but was grateful for.

"Hey, you got it right!" Lewis says interrupting me, almost sounding proud as he rolls onto his side to copy me and I roll my eyes.

"I'm quite a quick learner - I swear... but your sport is very complicated and I mean come on... Silver Rock was a good attempt!" I defended myself from my previous failure when we were talking to Kaiden earlier today. Fortunately for me, he's laughing and he agrees as he pulls me further, kissing my nose almost as a reward for getting it right as he waits for me to continue what I was trying to say. "Okay - so as I was saying, Silverstone is your favourite track because it's your home race and you get the support?" I question him and he considers the general question of me trying to understand.

"Yeah... the support, also the track is really good, the whole weekend is amazing. Even the last couple of years when it's been harder, there's some kind of magic there for me. I look forward to watching it multiply when you're there to watch me," he says softly and my heart beats a little harder, the messaging clear from between the words. "I can't wait for you to see it and immortalise it in your art..."