Teach Me Something // LH44

Chapter Forty-Two

London, 2 March 2026

"Negative," my voice breaks as the word comes out. The normal tears that have begun to come with this exercise brim at the edge of my eyes before I sniff them back and look over my shoulder at Lewis, seeing the disappointment mirrored in his face as well. He's sat on the edge of the bath, one hand on my hip and the face that had been making jokes only a moment ago is now flat and sad. I turn away, hating the fact this isn't the first time I've seen that face recently and take an uneven breath as I try to stay calm when I so wildly want to bawl my eyes out.

"It's okay," he tells me while pressing his lips to my cheek and pulling me backwards into his arms. My back is flush against his chest but I wish I could just turn around and bury my head instead, not wanting to like at the test in my hand or the reflection of us in the mirror of the bathroom. It hadn't been long enough for us to be truly worried about it yet, only six months of trying, but it was still heartbreaking each time the words showed up. "Baby, it's okay," he repeats, clearly sensing no uptick in my mood as I focus on the words on the screen.

Not pregnant.

"It was really early to be trying to take one, I knew we shouldn't have done one today," he reminds me, trying to stay positive and so I nod in agreement. The numbness in my chest doesn't budge an inch though, not even when he takes the test out of my hand and throws it into the bin beside us which just last month was filled with several similar tests. "Hey, hey, look at me."

He walks around me and leans against the bathroom counter, blocking my view of the bin and also my own disappointing reflection so that the only thing left to look at is him. The disappointment is gone and all that's left on his face is concern and somehow that's worse. It's bad enough that he's disappointed, it's worse that he's so worried about me he pushes his own feelings out of the way.

"Gigi... it's fine, it's early, even this test isn't that accurate. It was a good idea to take a test before we travelled but we need to wait like another seven days and we both know that's true," he tells me, his hands snaked around mine as his eyes bore into me, waiting for me to acknowledge he's right. I nod my head, grimacing as I take my hands from his, using one to wipe away a stubborn tear which had escaped before choking back any more emotion. "Besides, the longer we take... the more we get to practice," he jokes, trying to cut the tension as he grabs my hips and pulls me into his body, tight to him and it's not long before he gives me a kiss that reminds me just how much fun that can be.

"I-I know... I'm being ridiculous... I don't know why I'm so disappointed. All the websites and everything, they all say 1-2 years... it's only been five or six months," I tell him the information I've absorbed over the last few months, the information I know he already knows because I've told him all this soon after we started trying to keep his expectations low. Apparently I wasn't able to keep my own low because while I was tearful, he was smirking and nodding. He's disappointed, I know that, but he's cool and collected, trying his best to keep me the same.

"I understand baby. How about when we get back from this next trip we go to a doctor's? Just get a check-up? Both of us? It's probably me... flying a lot, plus I'm old..." he suggests, his voice sounding hollow towards the end and it eradicates any of the previous self-pity that I have when I see his. I hold his face in my hands, shaking my head and bringing him close to kiss once more, hoping this time I might be able to do what he has done for me, help him forget his concerns.

"You're in perfect health. It isn't you," I laugh, shaking my head at myself. "There's a very good chance it's not both of us... but I am what is considered old to be considering this... the world is so biased against women, even down to our biology," I joke, somehow feeling very free from the tension that was previously stuck in my chest. "We don't need any doctors yet. We will just keep on trying," I tell him and he grins as his forehead leans against mine, the smile on his face replicated on mine at the idea.