Teach Me Something // LH44

Chapter Twenty-Three

"There's a letter for you," Jenny says as she comes to collapse on the sofa next to me. I've been in this spot on the sofa when I get home from school every night this week and last. I chose to do my extra work from home, wanting Jenny's company to distract me from my thoughts as I did my marking and planning because I was still feeling delicate after work recently. She dropped the envelope in question into my lap, the contents of it actually heavy as I finally looked up from the lesson plan I was writing while typing out a message to Liam to see what he was doing for this topic to look at an equally exhausted Jenny. "Ugh, do we need to watch this?" She asks, screwing her nose up at the replay of the F1 testing that was playing on the TV.

Despite sticking to what I'd said to him two weeks ago, I couldn't get my heart to be quite as obedient as I'd like. I couldn't get it to turn off so easily. I wanted to know how the season was going to be for him and then I wouldn't do it again. This was the only time I was going to watch these cars go around a track and honestly, I found the sound therapeutic in its consistency.

"No, you can change it," I tell her, giving in and passing the remote to her as I move my laptop and sit up to open the letter. I was a little distracted by her contemplation over whether or not I meant what I said before she decided to put the remote back down on the coffee table, and no changes were made. "I did mean it."

"I know you did... but I also know it wouldn't be on the TV if you didn't want it on. I just don't like seeing you hurt yourself over and over again," she says, moving to lay her head on my shoulder and I sigh, silently agreeing with her as Lewis's car comes on screen. It did hurt but not like that, not in that way.

"The thing is... it doesn't hurt. I know it probably should but, it doesn't," I tell her honestly, my head resting on top of hers as I discard the envelope and just watch his car move around the track, both of us hypnotised by it. It was hardly the wildest Friday night but I didn't mind, it was pretty much all I had energy for and in an hour, the flat would be busy with our friends. They were coming over for a potluck and movie night - organised by Jenny which was unusual but I think she knew that she wasn't going to get me out of the flat to see them - so instead she was bringing them to me. She was bringing me a distraction that wasn't a car going around a track, instead it was something actually to help distract me from my pain.

I wasn't lying either... I was almost at peace with everything to do with Lewis. He'd done what I'd asked, he hadn't said a word to me and although the hardest part of my days was seeing Kaiden, seeing so much of his uncle in him, they were also the best parts - even if it didn't make sense. Watching this now, watching this testing... I was able to feel connected to him without the pain of knowing he was going. I was able to watch this without pain because he was already gone. So Jenny and I watch Lewis and several other cars complete their laps, round and round the track. It was a replay from earlier in the day that we were both content to watch because, despite all of her bravado, I could see that Jenny had actually gotten quite into the sport and so she was far from against it playing on the TV.

It's so distracting and soothing that I completely forget about the envelope until well after everyone's arrived and the food is laid out on the coffee table in front of us. The laughter is loud and the chatter is even louder than that. It's only when Louis is looking for a spot on the sofa that he finds it and holds it up for all to see. "Oooh, what's this? It feels heavy!" He asks lightly, passing it to me as I put down my plate, realising that I had never opened it before and so I turn it over in my fingers, looking for a clue as to its contents.

"Probably some sort of fine knowing my lu-"

I don't make it to the end of my sentence as I pour the contents of the medium-sized envelope onto my lap. There were several pages of a letter falling along with two black envelopes with sleek metallic writing on the outside to let me know what the contents of them were.