"Love .."

033

I slapped her hand away from my face and held down her hand

"Dont touch me with those hands" i said aggervated

She looked down at my hand which was strongly holding her hand down, her cig that was in her other hand had fell out of her hand onto the floor

"....you do not know what i go thru on a daily basis, so dont try and act like my life is just in some kind of fairytale.....everyone goes thru things okay.....we just dont let that junk consume us, we move on" i said sternly

My mom hesitated

And looked down at my hand again

She forcefully snatched her hand back again and adjusted her robe

"....so what you tryna say.....that your just automatically BETTER THAN ME" she yelled

I looked down at her hands and they were shaking

"N-no mom th-

Before i knew it she swiftly stood up and yelled

"JUST BECAUSE IM STRUGGLING DOES NOT MEAN YOU GET TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DIRT" she yelled

Tears started forming out of her eyes out of clear anger

I stood there like a little child when things like this used to happen, i just got deja vu. There were many times my mother had yelled at me like this when i was a teen and child, and they were mostly all for the same reason....my dad, i always just sat there and cried like i was a helpless case. She always yelled at me like i was the root of the problem for everything. And i know now that she always blamed me because she thought i was part of the reason our family was broken.

Tears filled my eyes and streamed down my face

Why am i always the root of the problem for her

I couldn't let her take over me again like that like i was a kid again, i HAVE to stand up for myself because she is the root of my problem

I stood up as tears filled both of our eyes

"THATS NOT EVEN WHAT I SAID-

"OH BUT YOU MEANT IT" she yelled

"NO ITS NOT, WHY DO YOU KEEP THINKING THAT I AM ALWAYS THE BAD GUY, I AM YOUR DAUGHTER-

"NO YOU ARE NOTT. YOUR NOT THE DAUGHTER I HAD IN 2018" she yelled and cried

"THAT WAS BEFORE DAD LEFT" i yelled

She fell back on her couch placing her hands onto her face to cover her eyes

She cried into her hands feeling helpless

It was very silent with just her muffled cries and my sniffles

"....that is not my fault that I changed after dad left....i changed for the better, and you still have not " i said

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE" she yelled still hiding her face crying

"Oh and now your kicking your only child out, when i have NO WHERE ELSE TO GO MOM" i yelled

She stayed quiet and kept crying

"DID YOU FORGET MOM, EVERYONE HERE THINKS IM A SLUT BECAUSE OF YOU" i screamed

She kept crying

"I dont want to keep yelling at you like this every time i stop by...." I said lowly feeling bad

She kept crying just ignoring what i was saying

"And you always act like your the only one hurting" i said