"Love .."

O34

Lamere💙

I got back to my crib, it was a long drive back with me finally having time to myself for just a second

I threw my keys on my countertop

I finally had a time to look around at the crib, i dont remember the last time i cleaned up in here or really even been home for more than a week, ive just been out everywhere i havent even been at the crib no more, nor do i really even go to my classes anymore

The way things are going for me right now, i might just get kicked out of college if ion tighten up

I sighed

I went in my room and grabbed my beats and my phone, I connected the headphones onto my phone and started playing some music

When did i get like this, when did i stop caring about school and my surroundings. I've allowed myself to get so lazy i dont even remember my last assignment i have done. When did life for me become so black and white. When did i stop believing in myself and God and just give up. When did i allow myself to become so narrow minded

I started doing my dishes and cleaning my kitchen while thinking about the things that were clouding my mind , then i started cleaning and vacuuming the living room, then I cleaned my bathrooms, and straightened up my room. Then finally did some laundry

By the time i was done it was 3 inna mornin but i wasnt tired, my mind was a lil cleared from cleaning but i still had things that kept me up at night, I still had questions for myself

I went in my room and grabbed a towel and some clothes, i took a good shower

4:34 am

Im in my  first year of college and im already failing all of my classes, i worked so hard to get into this prestigious university just for me to be immediately put into academic probation. When i first got here on my first semester i tried, i really tried but it was like there were so many smart students around me and people just as smart as me, and with temptations biting at me to just skip class and do something else, i ultimately ended up doing what my flesh wanted and that was to just fail and try again next semester.

I figured that the fast life style was more of my  thing than academics. I had so much wasted potential

And just last month i made up my mind to throw in the rag and i would drop out of college in 2 months

I wonder what my brother would think, after all he's the one who pays for my debts and for my living situation and expenses. He does it all for me and hustles every day so i could have a good life and live up to my potential and dreams

I've strayed away so far that I've forgotten what i came here for, what was my dream, what i even wanted to get my degree for

I got so caught up in girls and parties that i completely forgot everything and my mind got narrow

Im sorry that i let you down lord..