Miss Americana and The Hearbreak Princess

Chapter Thirty Three - Wildest Dreams

You see me in hindsight 

Tangled up with you all night 

Burn it down

Some day when you leave me

I bet these memories follow you around 

You see me in hindsight

Tangled up with you all night 

Burnin' it down (burnin' it down) 

Some day when you leave me

I bet these memories follow you around (follow you around)

-

"It all seemed to move so quickly after that. It felt like that was the night that we really decided to make it work, and I was happy. So thrilled! But... I'm not sure if this was a personal experience for me, or perhaps it's commonly shared within the industry, I just- I felt like we didn't even stand a chance. And I felt silly for feeling like that, because all of a sudden, I had everything I'd ever wanted. But when you have everything, it just means that it can be taken away, and that terrified me."

"And you were right."

Becca let out a shaky laugh, rubbing the back of her neck, "not in the way you might think. And I won't get into it now; I think it's something that needs to be properly explained, and we're not there yet. But at the time, I didn't know just how right I was. No matter how many bad scenarios I dreamed up in my mind, I didn't want to believe any of them. It was... quite simply, the best summer of my life. I was twenty-two, I was with the love of my life, and we were in love. It was starting to get good in a way we'd never had the chance to experience before. Some of those memories from that summer... they're some of my favourites. It was my first taste of freedom."

"As someone so young, not knowing any better... do you think your thoughts have changed on the matter?"

"Of course! In hindsight, it was just a bigger cage, but at the time, it truly felt like everything had changed in the most wonderful way. When you've been forced to skulk around in the night or lock yourself inside your home just so you can see the person you love, being able to step outside in the daytime by her side felt like freedom. At the time, it didn't matter that I couldn't hold her hand when we walked down the street, because we were walking down the street. In reality, we just shed one set of constraints for another."

"And this is you shedding them all?"

A pensive look on her face, Becca's brows pulled together slightly as her mouth flattened, and she cocked her head to the side. 

"I don't know. I don't know if I'll ever be able to truly shake them unless I leave all of this behind. This is me being honest, yes, but I think there will always be something holding me back, as long as I have a career."

"So your relationship with Freen wasn't your only constraint?"

A smile twitched Becca's lips and she fiddled with her rings again, a strained look of mild contentedness on her face. 

"No, no," she shook her head, "she was never a constraint. Our relationship never hindered me; it released me. It's always been my career. Every step of the way, I felt the weight of my responsibilities, no matter how long I was in the industry and how much I learned over the years."

She let out a faint sigh, shoulders drooping, and slowly shook her head again, a troubled look clouding her eyes. 

"And I think I knew that the industry would ruin us again. I think it's why I tried my hardest to make sure that we'd have so much good to look back on. In the end, it just made it more painful to let go."