Miss Americana and The Hearbreak Princess

Chapter Forty Nine - Gorgeous

You should take it as a compliment

That I'm talking to everyone here but you

And you should think about the consequence

Of you touching my hand in the darkened room

If you've got a girlfriend, I'm jealous of her

But if you're single that's honestly worse

'Cause you're so gorgeous it actually hurts

Ocean blue eyes looking in mine

I feel like I might sink and drown and die

You're so gorgeous

I can't say anything to your face

'Cause look at your face

And I'm so furious

At you for making me feel this way

But what can I say?

You're gorgeous

-

"I think that's what had them so worried, to be honest. I tried so hard to get over Freen, but they all knew that I wasn't. So the mere sight of her at my apartment sent alarm bells ringing, and there I was, with a new boyfriend."

"Non Olsen," Mei said, a hum of intrigue in her voice as she nodded absentmindedly. "That was... a tumultuous relationship, if I remember correctly. That was something that was splashed across the front page of every gossip site at one point."

With a brittle smile, Becca inhaled deeply, chest expanding as the old irritation that was her farce of a relationship with Non Olsen was breathed back to life.

She had long since moved on from it and ceased to let it bother her anymore, unless it was resurrected again, and she could look back on it with something akin to amusement these days. But at the time, it had been a nightmare.

"Yes, it was. I think I should make it clear that both parties knew it was a PR stunt. It wasn't some trick where he thought we were actually dating, only that... well, I think he thought we were actually dating. So when it was over, he didn't really... take it well. He took it upon himself to fuel cheating rumours and all sorts, and it was just- that was actually quite amusing. I did get a good laugh out of that because he didn't even know about everything to do with me."

"What to do with you?"

"Oh, you know," Becca breezily replied as she waved a hand in a dismissive manner, "just... all of it. It was never made known to him or his team that I was a lesbian. I never mentioned Freen around him. It was like a business deal, and my personal life didn't factor into our arrangement, so... he just didn't know. And he was nice at the beginning. I would even say he was excited at the prospect of being in the PR stunt with me, given the size of my fan base. I mean, for all it was going so awfully and terribly wrong for me, 1989 was actually my biggest era, success wise. To the public, I was on top of the world. I had a million sales in that first week, my singles were topping the charts. My songs were played non-stop on the radios and I had a new boyfriend. What else could I have possibly wanted?"

Cocking her head to the side, Mei gave her a wide-eyed questioning look, eyebrows rising a fraction.

"What did you want?"

"I wasn't sure. I just- I wanted somebody to love me. I wanted her to love me. At the end of the day, I think that's all I've ever wanted. Just that... real human connection with someone who understood. And she was the only person who ever really made me feel understood."