Miss Americana and The Hearbreak Princess

Chapter Forty Three - I Wish You Would

Note: I'm so happy upon seeing the spoilers of The Loyal Pin that I remember to update this one. Can't wait to see FreenBecky as Lady Pin and Princess Anil on TV. 🥹

--

It's 2 A.M. in my room 

Headlights pass the window pane I think of you

We're a crooked love 

In a straight line down

Makes you wanna run and hide

Then it makes you turn right back around

I wish you would come back

Wish I'd never hung up the phone like I did 

I wish you knew that

I'd never forget you as long as I'd live

And I wish you were right here, right now 

It's all good

I wish you would

-

"I should be clear though, I did make the right decision. I miss her every day and I hate that I had to make that decision, but even in the best-case scenario at that time, even backed by the support of our teams and our families, I don't think I was ready to get married. I hated hurting her, and I hated losing her, but I know, deep down, I couldn't have given her what she wanted. So yes, I regretted it, and I always have, but I know I could never have made any other choice."

"If you could go back and do things differently now, would you?"

A faint smile played on Becca's lips as she ran her hands over the thighs of her jeans and shook her head. Guilt clawed at her throat and she was silent for a moment, trying to gather her thoughts before she replied.

"No. I mean, sure, there are things that I would change, things that I'd smooth over a little better, try and save us so much heartbreak and pain. But it would still be the same answer, and that is something I'll never bring myself to regret. I've always known my own mind, and half of the struggle has always been people trying to rein me in and dissuade me from running headfirst into problems of my own devising, so I know that I did make the right decision. And so did Freen. I don't begrudge her her choice of leaving me."

Surprise flitted across Mei's face as she shifted to the edge of her seat, leaning on the arm of her chair as she gave Becca a look of intrigue, blue eyes brimming with questions and confusion.

"You don't?"

"I think," Becca slowly replied, a slight crease between her brows as she chewed the inside of her lip, "it was a situation that neither of us were wrong in, and neither of us were right. It was just- it's one of those things that just is. I was allowed to be honest and say no, and she was allowed to be hurt by that honesty and leave. It didn't make it hurt any less, obviously."

Becca let out a strained laugh, coloured with pain and gave Mei a rueful smile.

"But I don't think either of us were to blame, really. You can't make someone commit to something like this if they're not ready, and you can't stay with someone who's not committed to you just to save their feelings. I wish that I could've said otherwise, but at that time in my life I really didn't see an out for us. It was like I was so fixated on the moment out of fear of worrying about the past, and all those times she'd left before, and fear of the steps we'd inevitably have to take in the future to live openly together as a couple, that I just \... didn't think about it at all. And it wasn't that I didn't see a future with Freen; I didn't see a future where I was with anyone at all. It was lonely and isolated but that was just my reality."