Miss Americana and The Hearbreak Princess

Chapter Fifty Six - Cruel Summer

"Okay, let's talk," Freen demanded, storming upstairs.

Plodding wearily up each step, Becca raked a hand through her hair, feeling drained and woefully unprepared for the kind of conversation they would be having.

Freen probably wasn't prepared for it either, but it was all boiling to the top, and Becca didn't have in within herself to keep it hidden away any longer. But how to get into it?

She was silent as she switched on the lights, flooding the house with a buttery yellow glow as she felt Freen's eyes drilling into the back of her.

Becca didn't know where to begin, how to even explain what she was feeling. It was easy, putting it into words, but to say it aloud was another thing entirely.

And after so long keeping it to herself, or whispering it to the room as Freen slept beside her, it felt almost wrong. It was going to mess up everything they'd resolutely tried to keep together for so long now.

"Becca."

Jumping slightly at the sound of her name, sounding harsh and pleading coming from Freen's mouth, she whirled around, her cheeks flaming as frustration welled up inside her.

Balling her hands into fists, Becca stared at her with gut-wrenching confusion, helpless and small and brimming with the verge of tears.

"What do you want me to say?"

"Anything! Just... say anything! I come here in the middle of the night and you're gone with your bags and without a word. I mean... were you leaving? Were you even going to say goodbye?"

With a huff of laughter, eyes bright with pain, Becca rubbed a hand over her face, "okay, fine, yes, I was leaving. I was going back to my own house because the renovations have been finished for months now and it's ridiculous that I'm hiding out here in this house that I'm spending a fortune on rent for just so I can sneak around with you. Is that what you want to hear? That I've been lying just so we could have more time together, until I realised last night that it's just- it's all pointless! You're going to leave anyway, so I was going to leave first. And no, I don't think I was going to say goodbye, because I didn't want you to look at me like that, because it's already painful enough without having to feel like the world's most selfish asshole."

Spluttering, Freen looked aghast as she paled and drew back, a thunderous look on her face, "I- what?"

"And I'm mad at you for being the kind of person I would immediately fall completely in love with because it was devastating every single time you left. And I was so close to getting over you this time but I can't. I can't because I'm just- I'm sad. This summer has been... the worst time of my life and it makes me so miserable to not have you because I- I hate the fact that there was a chance that I would've been with you and I let it go. It breaks my heart, and I can't do it anymore, so..."

Staring at her with a look of utter devastation, her cheeks red and a flinty look in her eyes, Freen turned her head to the side, muscles jumping in her jaw as she flexed her fingers.

It took her a few moments to compose herself before she replied, her voice brittle and tense as she met Becca's gaze again.

"And what? I don't get a say in this?"

"What is there to say?" Becca asked, gesturing widely as she let out a sad laugh, one side of her mouth hitching higher, "I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry but I don't want to keep sneaking around. It feels so hopeless and even then... someday it's got to end, right? That was the deal; it's just casual. So what's the point?"