Miss Americana and The Hearbreak Princess

Chapter Fifty One - So It Goes

"I saw her... a few times up until the end of the second leg of the North American tour in October. Sometimes I was only in town for a day, so if she was free we'd see each other. Most of the time it was late at night, after we'd been out for dinner with friends, or after a late rehearsal for her. It... worked surprisingly well. There was a sense of freedom to it, to not have to put in the effort that comes with a relationship - not that I didn't want her back, or to talk to her every day - it was just if things lined up... we'd see each other. They were little moments in the midst of a hectic tour where I could find peace. I cherished them, even though I knew they meant nothing. In a way, I was able to move on more by just having casual sex and the odd conversation than I could doing cold turkey. I didn't disillusion myself; it was just... nice to have a friend."

"Did Freen feel likewise?"

Contemplating for a moment, Becca made a faint sound of agreement, biting her bottom lip as she nodded thoughtfully.

"I think she did. I knew about her struggles, her past, all the things you tell people in relationships, so there was that understanding, that familiarity and comfort, without needing to get into it all. It was... unspoken. The infrequency of our encounters made it so that we didn't really have time for things to get personal. I'd be gone again the next day."

"I don't see an easy way out of this for you," Mei said, a clouded look of concern on her face, eyes flickering with pity.

With a short laugh, Becca rolled her eyes, "there wasn't an easy one."

Her last show in the states was in Tampa on Halloween, and the next day Becca was back in L.A. for a mere week.

Sleeping off the flight and the effects of a fourth-month- long stint of near-nightly shows, Becca's first stop was a mandatory date with Non, despite the fact that he'd been in the audience of her Miami show only two nights before.

They hadn't been able to put much effort into their PR contract while she'd been on tour, but Becca had still footed the bill for a couple of trips for Non. He'd gone to her Fourth of July party, and lunch in LA a couple of times with mutual friends.

Even though Faye was Non' ex, she was a welcome addition, and Becca had spent more time talking to her and Winn than her fake boyfriend. Back in L.A., their first outing was nothing more than a papped coffee run and a walk up and down the block, feigning unawareness of the photographer Nam had called from one of their usual PR companies.

She held hands with Non and they barely spoke a word to each other, before they were back in the car and she sank into the leather with relief, her tense muscles loosening up as she took a sip of the bitter coffee and closed her eyes.

Rubbing at her sore temple, she sighed, eager to get back to the new townhouse rental in the West Village so she could go for a swim in the indoor pool and collapse back into bed.

"Should we get breakfast?" Non asked, looking up from his phone to give her an easy smile, fixing one of his gold chains, his biceps straining against the sleeve of his too- small t-shirt.

Becca had to suppress a scoff as she gave him a cursory glance through slitted eyes.

Humming for a moment as she closed her eyes again, breathing in the smell of his cologne as she clutched her hands tightly around the paper cup, trying to stem the tremor she hoped he didn't notice. Giving him a thin smile as her head lolled to the side, Becca shook her head.

"No, I don't think so. I'm a bit tired."

"What's the point in this PR stunt if we never go anywhere?" Non bluntly asked, "I mean, this was your idea. Your team approached mine so..."