Dead love in my hands (Troy Otto story/ Fear the walking dead/ ftwd)

By Nick

After I decided to tell Troy everything, I felt better. Not that I've calmed down, but at least now I'm not hiding anything. Besides, I was glad to annoy him with my words about Della, because he always made me mad.

In fact, the whole Otto family disgusted me. Their petty old man, spineless Jake, and psychotic Troy have all been getting on my nerves since the first day I arrived at the ranch. Surprisingly, it was Troy who bothered me the least, and then I even became friendly with him... In many ways, he was not bad at all. Of course, I wouldn't say that I could forgive him for his antics at the military base, but if I didn't know about them in detail, I probably would even consider him a hero. However, I know. It's a pity Della doesn't know. If I had enlightened her, Troy's fabulous life would have ended in an instant. And why haven't I done it yet? I don't know myself.

Actually, I wasn't crazy about Adaline. I think Troy was right about something: I don't love her the way I should. It's nice to see her happy, and she seems happy with him... Although, who knows, because Troy is still a jerk. And where is she now because of him? But I want to believe that she's alive. I want to believe that she's okay and she's not in any danger right now.

I couldn't wait to go on a search. As soon as it was light, Troy and I began to pack up and think about a plan. In the end, we decided that we would go only together, without others, because, firstly, we did not know at all what was waiting for us, and how many people would ideally be needed for this operation, and secondly, it is not a fact that we have enough resources for a long journey for more people.

We decided that Adaline's father would be in charge of the ranch in our absence. He tried to come with us, but we convinced him that it was not necessary. Besides, someone really needed to keep an eye on this place. And it had to be someone with experience, leadership qualities and at the same time in good relations with people. The only person suitable for this role, besides Troy, was her father.

By lunchtime, everything was ready to leave. I got behind the wheel because Troy wasn't feeling well. He was on edge again in the morning and took another dose of sedative. I told him it was a shitty idea, but did he listen to me? Of course not.

We drove towards El Bazaar. Our plan was to ask people about this helicopter and the sign of the three rings. Any information, any leads, anything could help us in our search. But I really didn't know where to start. I just hoped Troy knew. I was also hoping to meet my family and Jake at El Bazaar. They probably went there.

We drove for about an hour, and all this time Otto was asleep. Now he finally opened his eyes. I looked in his direction. In fact, he looked so unhappy that I felt sorry for him.

"Do you want something?"

"Whiskey would be nice," Troy said sullenly.

"Whiskey doesn't go well with sedatives."

"Who said that?"

"Everything in the world."

He laughed. A smile involuntarily appeared on my face. I was glad that he was recovering a little, but after a couple of moments his mirth subsided.

"I blame myself for laughing, is that okay?"

"Yes."

"It's my fault Della is not clear where and there is no guarantee that we will find her, and I'm just sitting here laughing," he hit the car window with his fist and immediately began to frown in pain.

"Hey, dude, calm down, okay? We'll find her."

"And if not? We don't know anything about these people! We haven't even seen any helicopters except ours since the beginning of the apocalypse!"

"Troy, don't panic! I need you to be sane, not hysterical!"

"Yes, you're right, I'm just on edge. I feel guilty."

"It's not just your fault, it's just a combination of circumstances. It's unlikely that you would have defeated several armed men. Even with your skill, it's difficult."

"Oh, Nikki, you have no idea how guilty I am..."

"What do you mean?"

"I left her on that road. We had a fight, she got out of the car and I left... I just left to teach her a lesson! I thought it would take about ten minutes, she would get scared, calm down, I would come back and everything would be fine, but when I drove up, it was already too late..."

"Troy, are you even yourself?! Who and how were you going to teach a lesson?! Your loved one?! Leaving her alone on the road?"

I stopped the car and went to Troy's door. Opening it, I ordered him to:

"Get out!"

"Nick, that's enough..."

"Get out!" I pulled him out of the car by his collar.

Troy reluctantly got to his feet.

"Well, what do you want..."

Otto didn't have time to finish, as I hit him. His face only turned slightly to the side from the blow, but I still broke his lip. Troy was silent for a couple of seconds. Then he spat out blood and said:

"Did it get easier?"

"No! It didn't make me feel any better! You fucking asshole! She's not around and I may never see her again! And all because of you!"

"Which one of us is hysterical, Nikki?" Troy grinned.

"Fuck you!" I punched him again. Before he could recover, my fist collided with his cheek again.

"Come on, Nick! Come on, take out your anger so we can move on!"

I hit him a couple more times, and then my fist hurt. I fell to my knees.

"Damn it!"

"Hush, hush," Otto whispered and, coming closer, and sat down next to me, "it's okay, Nikki," he put his hand on my shoulder, "I understand your anger and I feel the same way. I wish I could punch myself in the face. I would do it, honestly!"

"Why do I feel so shitty?! We're just friends with her! I didn't suffer like that even when my family left... even when Luciana left!"

"She's just special."

"Yes, that's for sure, since she managed to melt the heart of a psychopath like you."

Otto laughed, and then stood up and held out his hand to me.

"Come on, it's time to go, Clark."

"I'm not your militia man right now, don't call me by my last name, asshole!" I joined in his laughter and put my hand in his palm. Otto pulled me towards him and I got up.

"Whatever you say, Clark," Troy said, deliberately emphasizing my last name and got behind the wheel.