Candlelight | A Breath of the Wild / Tears of the Kingdom ZeLink Modern AU

Chapter 35 : Healing your broken heart

TW : self-harm. If you're easily disturbed, don't read this chapter.

Saying that I didn't sleep well last night was a pretty sweet euphemism.

I felt so much better now I said everything to Father, as if it took a heavy rock away from my chest and I could finally breathe again. This secret killed me, and acting like nothing happened, even though he already knew that I didn't mean to kiss Toruma, while he also tried to kill me was far harder than I thought. And I realized it after this discussion.

Link showed him the pictures of my bruises he took the night after it happened, and I also let him read the letter I wrote and some parts of my diary, to make him understand everything. So, he carefully read them, he looked at the picture and I caught some tears in his eyes. Because hearing my story was easier - as if it was easy - than seeing the proof that everything happened, that it hurt me, and that I kept it to myself for months.

But, if I felt relieved that I had enough courage to tell him everything about the most traumatic event of my life, I could also tell that showing him this traumatized part of me made me relive all the scenes over and over the whole night. No matter if I was awake with Father and Link, seeing my home-care doctor while Link was with Midna - and joining them at some point -, having dinner with Father and Link or working a bit with him, playing a game and watching a series before we finally went to bed.

Father and Link chose not to talk about it, but I saw pity in Father's eyes. Something I didn't want.

I knew he didn't mean bad, but it made me feel weak. It made me feel like someone who didn't fight, it made me feel dirty. Because, to his eyes, I have been attacked, I have been sullied, and I have been too weak against this man. So weak that he nearly killed me.

And, yes, it was an awful reality. My awful reality.

An awful reality that got even clearer when I fell asleep in Link's arms, but not for a long time. All of my memories were tangled and mixed together. Sometimes, Zirco replaced Toruma in the alley, sometimes Laparoh was strangling me, sometimes Ganondorf was sitting next to me during yesterday's dinner, and, sometimes, it was what happened.

How Toruma attacked me, twice, how he kissed me against my will, how he choked me to death, how Laparoh ran like a coward, how Father chased me from home, how Zirco tried to abuse me at the Shrine and how Ganondorf stabbed Link. Every sensation was still crystal clear, such as their hands on me, his lips on mine, how I had to press on Link's chest to keep him alive, the scent of his blood mixed with the dirt of the street, and the void in my chest when I understood it was over.

So, as the six previous times I woke up, I was covered in sweat and crying my eyes out. Just as the six previous times I woke up, Link was awake too, holding me in his arms and comforting me the best he could. And, just as the six previous times I woke up, I felt guilty for disturbing him, even though he kept saying that it didn't disturb him at all.

But his tired face and dark circles didn't lie such as the sadness I saw in Father's eyes I saw in the morning.

Of course he heard my cries. Of course he knew now what it meant. And of course, it broke his heart again.

But he didn't say anything about it. I was probably looking tired enough not to tell me something like that. To be honest, I didn't need anyone to tell me that -

« Holy shit, Princess, you look scary ! »

Great.

« Thank you Impout, I'm happy to see you too. », I mumbled, putting my laptop on my desk.