Rules of the Game

Chapter 2: You and Me | (Sunny)

I wake up to Shaan getting in bed next to me. Is that good? He has the choice of the other bed but he is lying down in this one, with me. Wait a minute; this is his bed. Why would he sleep in Rian's? Is he mad that I am in his bed? Should I let him know that I am awake or keep pretending to be asleep? I torture myself debating what to do for ten minutes, but eventually turn around. I cautiously but casually put my arm around his waist. He scoots his body back until we are touching chest to back, and his butt is tucked between my legs. I offer my arm as a pillow and he takes it. 

What does this mean? The hurt and anger from the last seven hours overflows, "Shaan, you just left. You left without giving me a hint about how you felt. I sat there confused for an hour obsessing over whether you will ever look at me at the same way again. I texted you and you ghosted me. I talked to the coach and management about staying with you, not knowing if you actually wanted to anymore. How could you just disappear after what happened? I am slowly going crazy. I have a match tomorrow. My second as captain. Now my mental preparation is in shambles. You should be more consi..." My body senses his anger before my brain. He sits up and looks at me, mad. Again. Cuad.

"Shut up, Sunny! Your ego is getting too f**cking big. Other people, like me," he points his finger at his adorable face, "have feelings too. I need time and space to process things. I do not work on your time. Neither am I here to make you feel good." Ah but you are here for that, I want to joke, but I stay quiet. "What? You have nothing to say in response? Where is that quick mouth of yours?"

"Shaan, I am sorry. I shouldn't unload on you like that. The situation is weird and complicated."

"Is it weird? Or is it complicated?"

I sense the question behind the question. It is not weird for me to kiss Shaan. It will be complicated to be with him if he wanted that with me. "Complicated"

"Finally some truth from you."

"I...I...Shaan, I didn't understand what was happening to me...and later when I knew...I wanted to be more than friends...I was a coward. I kept thinking when you find out either you will leave me and the deception will be moot, or you will forgive me for not telling you. Now that you know, what happens next is your choice." I can see the emotions play on his face in the faint light of the bedside lamp. I add, "I hope you can forgive me."

"Brilliant plan. Let's put all the hard emotional work on Shaan while you go on being the hot star player." The cold food turns over in my stomach. Did Shaan call me hot?

"You know you are hot. I am very aware that you are hot," he says. I must have said the last part out loud. "You take your shirt off in front of me every opportunity you get." He sighs, "The reason I just left...," I wait for him to find the words, "I didn't want another hard on as I walked out to a shoot. I knew if I turned around, I would see your lips and think about where they had been. I had a very good idea of what would happen to me then. You are an idiot if you were confused after seeing how my body reacted." I just stare at him. Is he actually saying what I think he is saying? Is he saying I turn him on?

I am about to clarify when he says "I know now what you do to me but...but." But what? Are we breaking up? I want to interrupt him but he just told me to give him time and space. So I keep my mouth shut. It is hard. "...well, I don't know what I do to you. I want to know what I do to you," he finishes quickly. What? Did he say that? Is this a dream? It's a dream. It has to be a dream. Wake up, Sunny! I feel my blood rushing to obey his request, and he hasn't even touched me yet. Not a dream then. This is happening. To me. With Shaan.

He pins me down with eagerness. He leans in to kiss me. Soft, sweet, unsure, unhurried. The opposite of what I had done earlier. He climbs on top of me. He feels my arousal as soon as he sits into my hips. Should I be embarrassed? Is he embarrassed for me? His eyes go wide, and then he starts grinding on me. I see stars, take a hold of my voice and tell him to stop. He stops and asks,  "Did you think about me last time you felt yourself?" I don't say anything and he starts grinding again. I nod. When he doesn't stop, I shout, "Yes!" He stops and asks, "When was the last time you thought about me like that?" F**ker! I get the game he is playing. I can play it too. I can be shameless.

"I jerked off this morning thinking about you. I didn't want to be a b**** in heat when I saw you." I lay it all down honestly. What is there to hide? The guy has literally seen how desperate I am for his company and his touch. My confession makes his eyes sparkle with need. I bet he never had a girl talk to him like this. He comes back with, "Not sure if that helped your situation." Can you believe this guy? For months, he has been hot and cold with me. Perhaps he was the one stringing me along. Was I ever in control? I can't believe the shameless filth sprouting from his mouth. I am like a rubber band stretched too far and ready to snap.

"How long have I been part of your...fantasies?" That is a good question, and not one I can answer in my current condition and in our limited time together. Shaan means the world to me. And there are many reasons for that. We go way back, and it has been a journey for me from acquaintance, to friends, to best friends, to wanting to be more than his friend. I take advantage of my height and turn us over. He is pinned under me now. He is pleased by my unexpected show of aggression. He pulls my face down for a kiss. When we part, breathless, he arches his back and says, "Sunny, I feel like I am on fire."

"Hah meri jaan, I haven't even started yet." I get off the bed, and start taking off my clothes slowly. He watches me, and feels himself under his shorts. I hesitate for a second before taking off my underwear. I stroke my length. I am rock hard. Shaan is biting his lip, still feeling himself, and intently watching my hand move up and down. I somehow manage to say, "Do you need further proof of what you do to me?" He is so transfixed on me that I think he didn't hear me. "If this isn't enough proof, see what happens when you touch me." Suddenly he is off the bed, and his hand is on me. I moan every time his hand moves, but he pulls me down into a kiss to swallow the sound. Too soon I have to pull away with, "Stop, stop, stop. You will make me come, and I want to explore as much of you as I can before that happens."

I take off his t-shirt, and move us back on the bed. I pin his hands in mine and kiss him greedily. I nuzzle at his neck for a while, and then start making slow progress downwards. I let go of his hands so he can stop me if I go too far but they make their way to my hair pushing me downwards. My hands feel his heart and it is hammering just like mine. When I get to his navel, I linger. "Can I take off your shorts?" He lifts his head to look at me and nods. I pull off his shorts. "Can I feel you?" Another nod. He is hard and thick under the fabric of his underwear. He swears with pleasure when I grab him. I rub him through the fabric watching the expressions on his face. "Can I pull you out?" He tries to bring down his hand to help me but I swat it away. "You have to give me permission, Shaan, with words. What do you want me to do? Trust me, I will not be offended or disappointed if you aren't ready for anything but kissing. We can stop anytime."

"Sunny, you have to finish what you started."

"What did I start? From what I remember, you were the one who kissed me."

"You were the one making those puppy dog eyes at me."

"What? Never!" I hear him chuckle and relax. I like the idea of finishing what was started. So I command him "Shaan, watch me", and I know my voice is husky. He props himself up on the pillow, and I make sure his eyes are on me as I pull him out and lower my mouth. I want to see all the emotions that flow through his eyes as I take him in. Does he like it when I make circles around his tip? Does he like it when I take him deep? Does he like it when I scrap his length with my teeth? My research is rewarded with a string of profanities, "Keep going m*****fucker". All the worries of the world leave us. We are just two bodies with sensations running through them. "That feels so good," is all the encouragement I need. I am sucking him and stroking myself in between. Soon he is lost to the rhythm of my mouth moving over him. His head is upturned on the pillow, his back is arched and his words no longer make any sense. I feel him come in my mouth, and release shoots out from me. After, we both fall back into our pillows, and laugh.

"How do you feel?" I ask eventually.

"I knew you were freaky in bed but experiencing it is something else. It was fun. It was hot. My first thought when I had you in my hand was how can all this ever fit inside me." I just stare at him trying to puzzle out if he actually meant what he said. Then we both burst out laughing. He says the most random things at the most random times.

"Shaan, you know that...that will never happen unless you want to, right?"

"I know. I know. It's just I don't have a filter with you. Sometimes I blurt out the first thought that pops into my head."

We fool around a bit more. Shaan falls asleep first. I try to make sense of what happened but sleep claims my satiated body.