Rules of the Game

Shaan

I wake up to the sound of the shower, and the smell of us all over the bed. I feel good. Happy even. Maybe a little in awe. Last night, I dozed off to sleep, a bit afraid. Afraid of how I will feel today. Mornings bring a different perspective to the shenanigans of the night. I sense the dam of thoughts waiting to be processed. What the hell did I do? How does that change who I am? My whole family will be disappointed in me if they found out. How could I even face them if they found out? If this is a part of me that I have to hide, how could I ever truly be me around people? Can I go back to being the old Shaan? All these thoughts could flood me right now but they don't. I am smiling like I have been to heaven. That must be what it is like; to be totally undone and be totally safe. To be totally one with one's body and desire without any fear of judgment or rejection. To have another soul see you at your most vulnerable, and love every part of you.

I finally slip out of the bed, and into the bathroom. Sunny smiles nervously at me from the shower. Why is he nervous? "Wait for me," I tell him while I take care of other needs. When I hop into the shower with him, he tries hard to keep his hands to himself and give me space. I go in for a kiss, and say, "Good morning". I feel him relax. We shower together in silence taking turns under the water, each lost in his own thoughts. It is match day today, and we will be on opposing teams. "Do you still do that match day ritual?" I ask.

"What ritual?"

"Remember your frequent advice to let one out on the morning of the match."

He laughs. "I can't believe I went around giving people advice like that. Well, captains don't have time to waste on such frivolous things. So...no. Not a requirement for match days these days."

"Well, Mr Captain, it's your lucky day because I do have time today." With that I take him in my hands. I know I am awkward but I am also earnest. His body responds to that. When he gets close to coming, somehow I know just how to push him over the edge. I break our kiss and lean close to his ear to whisper, "You know I am very good with balls. When I catch an edge from you today, remember to watch the replay. When you watch it, I want you to remember all the balls these hands are capable of holding."

He loses it. "You have a dirty mouth, Shaan. If you don't stop pushing my buttons with it, I will f*** it hard," he says, and comes in my hand.

"Do we even have time for that?" B-side chimes in.