Rules of the Game

Shaan

"You should take your guys out. They deserve a good time. They played their hearts out to..." Before I could finish the sentence, Sunny pins me to the back of the closed door, feeling me under my sweaty shirt and staring down at me with those eyes again. The heat in him is setting me on fire again. What am I going to do? Truth is, right now I just want to be here, in this moment. To have everything out in the open between us is freedom. I want to forget the whole world and its claims on us.

"What?" I finally say

"Can I get a kiss?"

"Now you are asking? After you pinned me to the door and molested me?"

He smiles, "Sorry!" and then kisses me anyway, "I owe you from the morning."

"I am in no rush. Want to watch something together?" I regret the words as soon as they come out. I have always regretted picking a movie to watch with Sunny. It is almost impossible to persuade him to watch anything but a rom-com. If somehow I do convince him, he talks through the whole thing, pointing out the holes in the plot, and ruining the experience. But that was earlier before...last night...maybe now it will be different? Maybe he will be more interested in admiring me silently while I watch the movie? Worth a try.

"Sure."

"How about a rom-com?"

"There isn't any good rom com I haven't already seen, Shaan." True that. He has watched a lot of them, even the really shitty ones. "Plus I know you like action movies. Let's watch an action movie."

We argue over what movie to watch for thirty minutes before we give up. We end up on Youtube watching music videos. At some point Sunny is dancing for me. I make him dance to my favorite Bollywood item songs. When it's his turn, he switches between Karan Aujla and Lil Nas X. "Shaan, you are not dancing hot enough," he complains. Soon I have my shirt off and I am grinding on him. We fall into the bed laughing, and he keeps his promise from earlier.

Sunny is already ready to go when he wakes me up. I pull him back into the bed; just us two hiding under the white sheets. I am butt naked and he is ready to face the world. I tangle up with him to take in his smell. I cannot believe we wasted so much time, and hid so much from each other. Hell, we watched porn together. Sunny woke up with morning wood tangled up with me. We laughed it away because we couldn't imagine a different way. We locked away the possibility.

"Shaan, I really should start heading down."

"I will walk you down." I finally get up, and start dressing. He is watching me. He has a question but isn't ready to ask yet.

"Are you ready to answer yet?" B-side sly comment floats up to my consciousness.

I try to rescue my bed hair but there is no fixing it, so I grab a cap. As I am about to turn the handle on the door, Sunny pulls me back, "Wait." 

Here it comes, the question.

"Shaan, the last two days...they were...they meant a lot to me. I want you to know that." I wait because he has not gotten to the question yet. "I want to know if...this is some experiment for you, or something...casual?" I am thinking about where to start, but he interprets my silence as confusion, "I am ok with whatever you need from me. I just want to leave...with the right expectations."

"You remember when I left the South Africa tour early?"

"Yeah."

"I thought I would miss the cricket, the atmosphere, the team. I did miss those things. But I missed being with you the most. I missed sleeping next to you. One night I got off thinking about you. I hooked up with a lot of girls during that time to straighten out my head but it did not work. I knew, then, I wanted to know you as more than my best friend. So no, it is not an experiment or some delusion induced by the rumors. I want you Sunny, for real. I want to be with you."

He lifts me off my feet, pinning me to the door again and growls, "How do you do that? Be so open...so Shaan? I do not want to leave. Let the world go to hell. I want to pleasure you with all my being." I bite him then. He comes back at me with the full intention of marking me. My attempt at restraint makes him suck on my neck harder. 

I reluctantly push him away, "Jaan...Jaan...stop. You have a flight to catch and people are waiting for you in the lobby. Actually, they are probably on the bus by now." He lets me go. "See if you can do something about that," I say pointing to his pants. We both laugh at our horniness. I give us a minute, and open the door. He follows me unable to keep his hands to himself.  I keep thwarting them away. The elevator is empty, but he looms over me. "Sunny, this elevator has so much space. You don't have to stand right on top of me."

"Hold still, an eyelash!" He grabs it off my face and places it on his hand. "Make a wish" I do.

"What did you wish for?"

"It won't come true if I tell you!"

We cannot find anyone in the lobby. The team is on the bus, and they make fun of Sunny for showing up late. We give each other one last hug before he boards. 

I am not sure when I will see him next.

"I think your wish will come true soon. That guy is too far gone to stay away from you for very long." I smile and hope B-side is right. I watch the bus drive away, and with it my heart.