Every Part Of Us

27. Im fine

Reid pov:

There was someone at the door.

I didn't know who it was and as I checked my phone for the millionth time, the screen still showed no new messages. It wasn't totally surprising to see my phone silent. Connor had dragged Jetson to go visit Nico, his old college roommate and ever since Cass had come over to drink to her unemployment it was like she had dropped off the face of the earth again. I was hearing from her less and less.

But I didn't really want to hear from any of them right now. I had been checking my phone every two seconds expecting a message from someone else. I wanted Adam's name to pop up, for him to take it all back and show up with a million apologies. It wasn't realistic but still when the doorbell rang I held my breath thinking it might be him.

Obviously any hope of that being the case was ruined once I actually got myself to answer the door. Adam wasn't on my doorstep ready to fix things, to tell me what I had done to mess this thing up. Instead Tiffany was there with two arms filled with grocery bags as she pushed her way inside.

"I didn't know you were coming over." I followed her as she made her way through the house into the kitchen.

"I brought some grocery's, all your favorite snacks and I'm making your favorite, bacon Mac and cheese."

I just blinked at her. I didn't fully understand what was happening. I hadn't told anyone about Adam breaking things off. I'd barely even talked to Tiffany since I'd gotten home from Adam's house. There was no way for her to know anything but yet here she was with all my favorites trying to make me feel better.

It wasn't just my favorites. All the things in her bags were just for me. Even the Mac and cheese, it was one of my favorite things Tiffany made but usually she'd make it without the bacon. Ronan had a weird aversion towards bacon which I had never really understood. But with Ro hating bacon it meant I rarely ever got to have Tiffany's Mac and cheese with the best ingredient in it.

"What's the occasion?" I pretended not to know why Tiffany would be here trying to cheer me up.

"Do I need a reason to come hang out with my favorite guy?"

"I guess not." I eyed Tiff with suspicion but decided not to push it.

"Want to go give this to your brother?" She passed me a takeout bag from Ronans favorite cafe.

It didn't surprise me that Tiffany would bring something over for my brother. I tried to stay out of what was going on with them but I knew that Tiffany still cared a lot for my brother despite them not being together. I didn't think she'd ever truly walk away from him. I didn't understand it fully and I wasn't going to try to.

"Yeah." I nodded and walked towards his closed bedroom door.

Ronan had been shut behind that door for most of the last week. I was seeing him even less. I didn't actually know the last time I really saw him, it was more that I heard him. I heard him moving around on occasion. I was living with a ghost and while Tiffany was here to cheer me up part of thought maybe she'd be more use trying to cheer up my brother.

I knocked on his door but there was only silence in response.

"Ro." I knocked again.

Silence again.

"Tiffany got you some food." I called through the door.

I didn't know why I thought Tiffany's name would get a response but there was still silence on the other side. I felt my stomach drop slightly. Those scars I tried to push out of my brain popping back into my mind. My brother who'd suffered more than he ever let me know, if he was suffering right now he wouldn't be one to let me know.

As angry as I was with him I didn't think I could live with myself if something happened to him and I just walked away from this closed door. I grabbed the knob and pushed the door open. Part of me was expecting for it to be locked but it swung open with ease.

The lights were dim but I could still see the person shaped lump sprawled out on his bed. I stepped into the room letting some of the hallway light in, illuminating the space. I could see the mess, all the clothes littering the floor and dishes piled up on the table next to his bed.

My brother was laid out on his back staring up at the ceiling. He didn't even turn as I stepped in. He completely ignored me and it was only due to the rise and fall of his chest that I could tell he was alive. Worry turned in my stomach, I hadn't ever seen my brother like this. He was quiet and withdrawn on occasion but this was different. This version of him was making dread fill my body.

I wanted to shake him, yell at him. I wanted to beg him to just turn and look at me. I wanted him to get up and tell me everything was okay.

"I have food." I broke the silence taking another step towards the bed.

"Just leave it and go." His voice was soft and I almost didn't hear him.

I was worried about him but I was also so frustrated. I wanted to help him but he never let me. I didn't even know what was wrong. Ronan never let me close enough to figure him out.

"Are you okay?" I asked wanting him to at least try to have a real conversation.

"I'm fine." Ro turned him head to look at me.

I could see the hollow look in his eyes, it was obvious he was anything but fine. He hadn't shaved since I last seen him and his beard was making him look even more run down.

I felt that frustration bubble up. He was pushing me away yet again. Everyone kept pushing me away.

"You're obviously not fine Ro, you haven't been fine since you ended things with Tiff. You made that decision, you broke up with her. She's still here looking after us, looking after you. So either get up and go make things right or move the fuck on. I can't keep living like this, I need my brother back." I let it all out.

"You don't know shit." He frowned and turned back away from me.

"And whose fault is that?" I sighed.

I just turned my back on my brother and walked right out of his room. I knew I wasn't going to get anywhere with him. I was just really done with everyone in my life leaving.

What did I need to do to get someone to actually fight for me?

A/n:

Sorry for disappearing for a quick minute. I'm still alive but just minorly injured. I messed up my shoulder and it's made it so I'm not sleeping but I start PT next week and hopefully it will feel better and I won't be an exhausted zombie anymore.

Today is basically my last day at work before I have a nice long break so hopefully I'll get some rest and will get back to my writing routine. I can't promise regular updates but hopefully there will be no more disappearing acts.

Thank you for all your patience!!
-Cora Leigh