D I L E M M A x Mattheo Riddle

comfort zone

        Vivienne Leclair
"I need a smoke," I say to Mattheo as I stand at his door.

He chuckles and runs his tongue along the inside of his lip before asking, "Stressed?"

"Very," I respond bluntly before pulling him by his arm and dragging him up to the Astronomy Tower.

"So I'm assuming the dinner didn't go well?" Mattheo asks, taking out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket once we get to the tower.

"No. It did not go well at all."

In the span of a two hour dinner, my mother managed to suck all the life out of me.

"What happened?" Mattheo asks.

I don't even know where to start.

"Shes not letting me break up with Briar," I huff. It's been years and years of her controlling my life, but I never really got used to it.

Mattheo's face grows pale and his shoulders tense. "What do you mean?"

I take in a big puff of my cigarette. "She says I'm 'ruining' the life she built for me."

Mattheo looks down at the floor. "I'm sorry."

I lightly grab his chin and tilt it towards my face. "You don't have anything to be sorry about," I sigh. "I just have to figure something out."

"Like what?"

"I don't know... a way to get my mum to stop wanting me to be with Briar."

I've never noticed it before, but Mattheo is a really good listener. I'm comfortable confiding in him. He looks into my eyes with curiosity and sensitivity, a way that no one has ever looked at me before. In my life, people will look at me with envy, lust, even admiration. But no one ever seems curious about me, or like they really want to know me. Mattheo, on the other hand, genuinely wants to know me. Truly know me.

"What are you going to do?" Mattheo asks.

I take a deep breath in and shrug, "I don't know."

How am I supposed to tell Mattheo that I have absolutely no clue on how I'm going to get my mum to let me break up with Briar?

It doesn't exactly roll off the tongue.

"You'll figure it out," he says, taking my hand in his and rolling his thumb over mine.

I rest my head on his shoulder for a few moments as he takes a few drags from his cigarette.

"I got the internship," I announce. He picks his head up and tries to read my expression. He hesitates for a moment, attempting to be careful with his words.

"Is that good or bad?"

"Bad," I rest my head in my hands. "It's just more stress for me."

His eyebrows pinch together and his lips turn into a frown. "Is there anything I can do to help?" He asks.

Oh, Mattheo.

His eagerness to tend to me makes him the sweetest soul I know. His upbringing gave him copious amounts of trauma, yet he treats me with kindness even when he's hurting.

He is summer rain with a beautifully cloudy sky.

He is dark coffee early in the morning.

He is moonlight shining through a window.

And he is every bit of strength I'll never have.

Even after all of the terrible things that he's been through, he's still so selfless and compassionate. I almost feel guilty complaining about my life.