LOSE MY BREATH

LMB 24

24: Caelum.

“How does it stay up?” Minho asked.

“Uh, the-- the wings are like… shaped in a way that makes air go down and plane go up. Just think of birds gliding in the air. But you’re focusing on the completely wrong point.” Jisung said. “The point being, airplanes are fast but they pollute like crazy. Plus they’re not as cool as swords. So I think swords definitely win this round.”

“Hm,” Minho replied, and then marked a line next to ‘swords’ on their list.

It was midday and they were staying in the library for once, escaping the bitter cold outside. Minho probably had some cultivator tasks to complete, but Jisung had whined so much that Minho decided to stop and stay.

Ever since returning from Yangling, Minho had been exceptionally easy on him. Jisung thought he was pretty good at masking his negative emotions with smiles and laughter, but Minho had a sixth sense for that kind of thing. The man was a clever one.

Jisung had returned to the Lee clan with mixed feelings and even more guilt than he thought a person would be able to carry within themselves. He enjoyed seeing his family in any form they took, and he is already missing them.

He was glad he could run away for a while from them and think. Try to figure out what jumble of feelings this whole thing had him living in.

“Great! Then we have...” Jisung checked the list. “Ah! Robes versus shirts and shorts. This one’s an easy win for shirts and shorts.”

“No.” Minho opposed.

“What do you mean ‘no’? They’re way more practical!”

“Indecent.” Minho said, though his tone was milder and less disparaging than it once had been. “And cold.”

“Cool, when it’s summer! So much better than robes when it’s hot!”

“Robes are more versatile.” Minho argued.

Jisung couldn’t deny that. Flowy and light in the summer, thick and warm in the winter. He considered the thousands of different ways one could wear robes if the dress code here was not so strict.

“Yeah, okay.” he said, pulling at his own black silks. “I guess you could, like, keep the tie loose in the summer. Open up the neckline.”

Minho didn’t answer, and when Jisung turned to him, the other’s gaze was somewhere over his collarbones. Then it quickly dropped to the list before him. With brisk movements, Minho marked another win for the cultivation world, grip tight on the brush.

“Education here versus education back home,” Jisung read. “Oh, easy one again. You Lees don’t exactly encourage curiosity and critical thinking, but I do like that ‘learning comes first’ rule! Not enough to save you, though.”

“Mn.”

“Wha- you agree?” Jisung snorted. “You’re not going to even argue your case?”

“No. Jisung’s education has made him very knowledgeable.” Minho replied with a completely straight face and Jisung felt himself redden.

“Minho! We talked about this! My poor heart is not going to survive another five months!” He clutched his chest, turning his face away. “Is this about when I explained to you some high school level physics?”

“No.” Minho said. “Although that was interesting as well.”

“Yeah, you can’t be talking about the business school.” Jisung’s nose scrunched in disgust. “It was maths –without all the things that make maths fun- absolutely awful.”

“Not one school.” Minho stated. “All of Jisung’s education has made him knowledgeable.”

“Right, right, enough! That’s quite enough! Let’s give us a point and move on,” Jisung said, waving his hands in embarrassment, then grabbed the list to inspect it. 

“Okay, it’s dumb to put cultivation healing and modern medicine against each other because while the other is the culmination of centuries of knowledge, the other is, like, literal magic. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Mn. Next one.”

“Oh, hot people. Again, super easy. Everyone here looks like a model, super duper hot and cool! Points for the cultivation world.”

“No.” Minho said.

Jisung turned to him, eyebrows raised. “You can’t make that statement. You haven’t seen anyone from my world but me.”

“Mn.” Minho replied.

“So you agree?”

“No.”

He spluttered. “Huh? Are you implying that I am surpassing everyone in the cultivation world in terms of hotness on my own?”

Minho's perfect face remained expressionless as he ran his gaze over Jisung's features, which were once again turning a few shades red for his liking.

Instead of answering the question, Minho only said; “The game is flawed already. I have not visited your home, and thus have to trust your word on these matters.”

“Well-- I mean, my word is very trustworthy.” Jisung defended, only half-serious. His words wasn’t not  trustworthy.

“Jisung has a lot of opinions that colour his view of the world.” Minho stated, and before Jisung could jump in, he continued, “As do I. "The game is ineffective when only one of us has both points of comparison."

“Well, yeah, it was kind of a dumb game.” Jisung sighed. “Yah, Minho yah!” After all the months in the clan, he still liked saying those words most out of them all. “I don’t think it does much to compare those kinds of small parts of a world anyway.”

His friend looked at him silently, something unreadable in his pale eyes. Sometimes Jisung thought he understood Minho better than anyone in the world, and sometimes he felt nothing like that at all.

It was snowing again outside, the round window above the bed showing white on dark greens and greys. Jisung thought about the broken heater in his apartment in Seoul and how Yeji had served them burnt coffee for a warm-up. He had always tried to hide his discomfort from his friends in order to avoid seeing the agonising guilt in their eyes.

Here in Minho's house, he was wrapped up in thick robes, sitting on a soft cushion with a man whose company was an ember in his fireplace. This was not owed to him; still, Minho stayed and kept him warm.

“I think I like many things in both worlds a whole lot.” Jisung said, but it was quite the complete opposite of it.   

I think I like this world so much better than the one I came from. 

After all, who was he to say that? Who was he to make such a judgement? Jisung absorbed the guilt, pressed it deeper into his chest, and wondered if the Hwang siblings were relieved not to have to see him miserable in front of them.

“Mn,” said Minho. His attention was now on the window, and Jisung turned back to it as well. It really was beautiful here, in this snowy world with Minho.