LOSE MY BREATH

LMB 42

42: Alexithymia.

Hyunjin’s expression did not twitch once during the explanation, his grip on his coffee cup staying loose and comfortable. He was one of those people that could not be read whenever Jisung wanted to, and Jisung had no clue what Hyunjin thought of any of it.

“--and then I told him I liked him, and he went all ‘I don’t believe you because you are a slut, Jisung’--”

“I did not say that.”

“--and I had to fight him about it, and then it turned out he was also sort of into me, and it all turned out fine. Then we walked down the mountain together, and now here we are.”

The silence was ringing after that. Hyunjin’s gaze had fallen onto the coffee cup, long empty, and Jisung waited nervously for the inevitable accusations and undue worry for his mental health.

Which was fine, for once, Jisung felt fine.

“Right,” Hyunjin said then. “Okay. Look, I’m not saying I don’t believe you. That whole story is insane enough that it could literally only happen to you.”

Jisung nodded. Fair. He’d always been a bit of a magnet for improbable, troublesome events.

“And it’s– see, you just disappeared. Just like that. I was so sure they’d gotten you, that they’d killed you for no reason, but then I asked around and no one knew anything. And they would’ve known about something like that. Yeji cursed me alot, I was living around in guilt.”

“Hyunjin...”

"I had even considered the possibility that you might have really fled, which would have been wise if you had taken any money with you, but you didn't. And you wouldn’t have left me and Yeji like that,” Hyunjin said.

“I wouldn’t have,” Jisung confirmed, couldn’t help the sad note in his voice. “Of course I wouldn’t.”

“The police were useless as usual. I filed a missing person’s report but there was no sign of you at all, anywhere. Like you’d just been erased from existence.”

Hyunjin appeared exhausted as he related the event from a year prior. Jisung wondered if he could’ve been as calm as he seemed, had Hyunjin disappeared like that. He didn’t think so.

“So whatever crazy nonsense happened to you this past year, I don’t really care. It is possible that you crossed realities, or something, and brought with you an unusually attractive boyfriend," Hyunjin explained. “It’s fine. I don’t care. But you-- if you do this to me again, Jisung, I will actually hunt you down and kill you myself.”

“We’ll be leaving after a year again,” Jisung blurted out before he could stop himself.

Hyunjin stared at him for an excruciating amount of time, before finally sighing. “Are you going to let me know beforehand?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Then we’re fine,” Hyunjin stated, standing up from his armchair. “Want more coffee? I need to go to sleep, so you can make it yourself. I’ve got work tomorrow.”

“You graduated?” Jisung asked, delighted.

“A few months ago. Yeji got to do an internship in Riga. She moved there last month. I have been saving up so I can move out of this hellhole as well. Oh, by the way, your stuff’s in boxes. I wouldn’t have thrown them away, but. Well.”

“Yeah. It’s fine.”

They looked at each other for a long time, silently observing the person they had not seen in a year. Hyunjin looked tired, but there was a brightness in his eyes as well. Jisung probably looked like the worst kind of crybaby with his red-rimmed eyes.