LOSE MY BREATH

LMB 37

37: Smeraldo.

In the softly lit room, the air hummed with the quiet murmurs, mingling with the soft cooing of the newborn baby cradled in Jisung's arms. The room was adorned with elegant hanbok, traditional Korean clothing, hanging delicately from wooden racks along the walls. 

The warm glow of andong paper lanterns bathed the room in a soft light, casting long shadows across the wooden floors. A vase of freshly cut maehwa, Korean plum blossoms, adorned the bedside table, their delicate fragrance mingling with the scent of baby powder and newborn innocence. 

Yongbok cried and pretended that he didn’t, and Jisung cried and definitely didn’t pretend anything. He was so happy for him and his new family. He was so sad that his own world’s Jeongin had never gotten to experience this.

Despite the joyous occasion, a heavy weight lingered in the air, a subtle undercurrent of unspoken emotions that threatened to engulf him. 

Jisung's heart swelled with conflicting emotions as he looked down at the tiny bundle in his arms. Jeongin's baby lay nestled in the crook of his arm, her tiny form a testament to the miracle of life.

Though her appearance was less than picturesque, Jisung couldn't help but feel a surge of affection for the tiny bundle, her imperfections overshadowed by the love he felt for her father.

The words spoken in the ancestral hall echoed in Jisung's mind, a constant reminder of the burden he carried. Guilt and grief weighed heavily on his heart, casting a shadow over the joyous occasion. Even as he held the precious newborn in his arms, the weight of his emotions threatened to overwhelm him.

In an attempt to distract himself from his own turbulent thoughts, Jisung considered passing the baby to Minho, who appeared out of place among the celebratory atmosphere. However, the sight of his friend, awkward yet determined, softened his resolve, and he chose to keep him close instead.

Jisung’s attempt to avert his own thoughts worked just a little too well because Minho didn’t get stiff and weird like he’d expected; the man softened his stance, swaying the baby gently, looking like the most handsome, gorgeous, perfect father of the century.

“Minho! I had no idea you were good with babies!”

“He hangs around you, doesn’t he?” Yongbok said, and since Jeongin was too tired to admonish him, Jisung kicked him in the ankle himself.

“Do you like children?” Jisung asked Minho and he nodded.

“Mn.”

That was another thing that emotionally devastated Jisung. So he had always wanted kids as well. It was simply one of those things that made sense from the soulmate's perspective; that they would have something in common.

Jisung tried not to choke on his feelings while taking Jiyeong back. He didn’t know how he was going to leave this. He didn’t know.

As the evening wore on and when everyone else had excused themselves, Jisung found himself alone with Jeongin and the sleeping baby. Jiyeong slept in her father’s arms. Jeongin's lady was still sleeping after a tiring and long delivery. 

He looked up and asked Jisung what was wrong. He always knew, somehow. Like Yeji, Jeongin always knew.

“I’m leaving soon,” Jisung said truthfully. “In a few weeks.”

“Ah. You’ll be gone for a whole year,” Jeongin said.

Jisung felt the little card house inside him collapse.

He didn’t know how to tell him. How to tell your brother that you would never again see him, because he never really was your brother, and you never really were his Jisung, and there was his other brother out there who might have hated him but he deserved to know that Jisung still could be his brother too if he still wanted it?

The Hwang siblings didn’t need to go to bed every night wondering if their past had caught up with Jisung instead. Felix didn’t deserve to lose both of his siblings in two years.

“Jeongin,” he said. Paused to take a breath, to not cry. “I’m not coming back.”

Jeongin's eyes were on him, then, searching. Jisung couldn’t meet them. He often couldn’t. Jeongin was too good at pinpointing the problem and drawing it out, making Jisung face the things he really didn’t want to with a few gentle words.

Then, after a long pause, he nodded.

“I’m only going to tell you one thing,” Jeongin said. “Whatever happens, do what makes you happy.” Jisung met his eyes then, and the look in them was intense.

“Hyung, you deserve happiness, too.”

He nodded, helpless. Jeongin never lied, and Minho never lied, and both of them had said it to him once, so why was it so hard to believe then?

So he hugged him, careful of the little one between them, and he didn’t mention the tears that escaped then.

________

I unpublished 24 HOURS since I heard a rumour that Wattpad is deleting books that aren't updating constantly. Must be a rumour but don't wanna risk after EOE got deleted :')

I will publish it after LMB is completed which only has a few more chapters! So grab your popcorns and tissues since it's hella long ride my fellas!