I Can't Help but Want You

Chapter 1

Tears ran quickly down my cheeks as I sat on my bed, back against the wall, knees pressed close to my chest. In the room down the hall there was yelling, my parents, one screaming over another. I placed my hands over my ears trying to drown out the sound of their screams. They fought all the time, but never like this. This time my mother was yelling at my father about that gross stuff he had been drinking all the time here lately. It started with a simple argument about money, it was always, in the end, about money. "That's how the world goes round," I remembered my father saying to me after one of my parents bigger fights.

There was the sound of the front door slamming, then everything was quiet. I could hear my mother crying. My door slowly opened, "Where's daddy?" I asked softly. Her eyes were red and puffy, her lips trembling. She came to my bed side and wrapped me tight in her embrace.

"Daddy, won't be around for a while..."

"Where did he go?"

"H-he... he left... I don't know where he went, but he won't be here."

"What do you mean? Why?"

"He's just gone..." She pulled me closer to her chest. What was she talking about? Daddy can't just be gone, can he? She started crying heavily, I could feel her warm tears hit my shirt.

"Is he coming back?" There was a silent pause.

"No," she said bluntly. She stroked the back of my head. I could feel tears run faster and faster down my face. That was the last time I ever saw or heard my dad. He didn't ever come back. I waited and waited for him for months hoping to see his car pull into the driveway, but it never did. My mom was right, he was never coming back. I didn't understand, how could he just leave? Didn't he love mommy and I?

I was only five when it happened. I would watch as my mother fell apart, I could see the stress on her face, the bags under her tired eyes. She had to work all the time now and the time we spent together seemed to be shrinking. I could never understand. What was the big deal with money? Why did everyone always fight over it? It was just a piece of paper. She would often lock herself in her room and hide away from me.

"mommy, please come out."

"g-go play somewhere else Rosey."

"why are you crying?"

"mommy just needs sometime to herself right now..."

Years passed like this. We moved over and over, each time to a smaller house, until we were almost homeless. I could see it slowly killing her, and that was killing me. I could never make her smile, the real smile she used to have when she looked at me. When my dad left, he didn't just take away my father, he took away my mother too. That's when he came, I was eight years old the first time I met him.

A man named Henry started coming to our house, it was the first time in a very long time I ever saw my mom smile. He always wore suits, and brought me small gifts. He was always so kind. It started out as him only coming over every now and then until it was weekly, then almost daily. Until one day he brought a little boy with him. He had said he had a nine year old son before but I had never seen him before. He had straight midnight black hair that matched his dad's. He was just a bit taller then me. He hid behind his dad, I couldn't see his eyes they were hidden behind his hair looking to the ground. The part of his face I was able to see, was emotionless.

"Jasper why don't you say hello." There was a silent pause before the boy finally spoke.

"Hello..." He didn't move his gaze from the ground. His tone was drawn out and sad.

"H-Hi,"I said shyly, I was never one for meeting new people. Henry looked disappointed in Jasper's attitude.

"Rosey why don't you and Jasper go play outside, the adults have to talk." My mother said giving me a faint smile. I nodded and walked over to Jasper. He stepped back, still not looking up at me. I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the door.