The Fanboy's Star [SB19 JoshTin fanfic]

Ika-dalawampu't walong kabanata: WHY?

JUSTIN

"Please, huwag mong sabihin kay Josh ang mga napag-usapan natin ngayon ha," paki-usap ko kay Ken ng maghanda na kaming lumabas dahil oras na ng dinner. Ilang oras din pala kaming nasa loob.

"Why don't you just be honest and tell him? I mean, your feelings?" he asked curiosity as he stand up and stretched from sitting for so long.

"Alam mong hindi ko 'yon magagawa."

All of this happened because I can't do it. I won't do it for the sake of their career. I know Josh, and he will not hesitate to tell everyone about us if I let him and don't stay away. I've already built this wall and I have no plan of breaking it now.

"Then you should not have attended this trip. I'm sure you have an idea these things will happen."

"Hindi ko naman matatanggihan ang ganitong opportunity-"

"Kahit alam mo na makikita mo siya? tapos masasaktan ka?"putol niya sa akin. I bowed my head, feeling defeated cause I know he's right.

"I thought it won't affect me. Akala ko makakaya ko na siyang harapin at magiging wala lang pero...."

"You cant just remove your feelings easily." Ken said straight.

"I know. But I should forget about him."

"Then, what if don't forget. Why are you even doing this? you're just hurting yourself. You know Josh are more willing to show you to the world."

"Oo alam ko rin pero hindi ko talaga magagawa iyon. Dahil pwedeng ikasira niyo iyon."

"So it's okay to ruin yourself," He said. "Ruin him, too."

My eyebrows furrowed. I shake my head. "No, sa tingin ko nagsisimula na rin naman siyang kalimutan ako..."

"Bullshit."

I don't wanna hear anything about him and his feelings anymore, I want to cover my ear with my hands. Ipipilit lang kasi niya.

"If you're in my situation you would do the same thing, right?" I asked him. The thought pop up in my mind. Cause I want to understand. "I think if you really love someone you won't stand in their way. You will want what's best for them and what will be good for them."

"Rather, if I was in Josh's shoes I will do the same thing. I would want all the people around me to know who I love," He said seriously while looking back at me.

It took me seconds to reply. Until I don't know what to say anymore and I was not able to reply at all.

Ken sighed. "Well I think I understand what you're trying to say." He ruffles my hair. "But you should understand his feelings too."

***

We got back before the dinner started. Ken and I parted ways before we even reach the canteen. If somebody saw us, it would be like he's talking to a staff.

Nakasalubong ko pa sila Alexa and Yumi na patungong Hotel. The dinner will happen at the dining hall.

"Saan ka galing?" tanong ni Alexa. Nang makalapit sa isa't isa.

"Uhhhh naglibot libot lang," I can't think of any much good reason.

Hindi na sila nagtanong pa at sabay-sabay na kaming dumiretso sa dining hall. Excited sa mga bagong putahe ngayong gabi. I don't know, maybe I did cry enough today to feel so hungry and crave for a lot of food.

But immediately lost my appetite with the situation that greeted us. Sitting across our table is Sb19. A little far from them. The other Atins, including us, sitting on the other side of the long table. The others sitting beside the boys who's in the middle. Josh and Ms. Hong sitting next to each other.