Nephele or better know as "Nelly"-the popstar is tired of ...
- being constantly on the road
- not be able to date whoever she wants
- the many fans that think that she is theirs
- not having a place that she can call 'home'
... she wants- no needs...
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- Rage - pain -
Blind rage ran through me since the moment I found out that Doris, my mate, the person I trusted the most, took my daughter away from me.
My Lycan took over from that moment and we trashed the packhouse.
Duncan tried to calm me down, but I knew that he helped Doris. I saw it in his eyes and it only fullend my rage. Although I don't blame him after I ordered John to take Nell her memories away from him. Jealousy wasn't something I had felt before in my life but every time my daughter called him dad it crushed me.
I was angry with him, jealous of the person who had been by my side for so many years. I was mad that he had a close bond with my daughter. I was mad at him for suggesting another approach.
But it was all nothing compared to feeling this pain. My mate took my daughter away from me, to protect her! A simple note left behind. She took her away because she didn't felt that Nell was safe with me. She questioned if I would wipe out her memories every time Nell did something I didn't like— And she was right to ask me that question. She wrote that she did not feel loved by me. Not equal to me in this relationship. She wrote that something in our relationship changed over the years that we were apart, and even questioned if being mates was enough. Maybe she was right.
Doris did what she thought was best, and for her that was taking Nell away from me. To protect her from me. That hurt the most. My rage changed with the longer I thought all my actions through. They went from rage and pain to worry and to grief of losing the two people that I loved the most. Doris was, like I always knew, the perfect mate for me. She took over when I didn't see clearly anymore. When I lost every ounce of being reasonable.
The fear of losing them again for so long made me do things that were unforgivable. I took away such a big part of my daughter. I refused to let her meet her wolf— her Lycan. I would have thrown a fit if my father had told me that.
September 10, 2020
After two days of letting my rage get the best of me, I finally slumped down on the kitchen floor. I could feel Duncan's concerned eyes on me. For 2 days he never interfered but he stayed close by. Watching over me even after what I did to him.
I watched him while he crossed his arms over his chest, how did I miss that look in his eyes? Pain, the loneliness and the worst thing disappointment. I betrayed him. I knew after the loss of his mate that taking care of Nell helped him to heal.
Helen and John are close by watching both of us, ready to come in between if necessary. John lied to me, I felt it the moment he came back. I failed him too. I gave him a fucking Alpha command. I never did that to him or another person in our pack. How I acted in the past months wasn't me. I started this pack for people that left their pack for not being heard. For people that were being mistreated, for being abused. Everyone had a voice here and the moment I brought my daughter here I changed and became something I didn't like.
