Sugar And Spice

Chapter 18

Nicholas's words were like a punch in the stomach.

I opened my mouth, to defend myself and tell him that he was wrong, but I couldn't because I knew that deep down, I was a coward, and Nicholas was right.

I didn't see this going further.

“A car will come tomorrow morning and take you back to the city.” Was all Nicholas said, before he walked away and left me in the hallway, outside the room I'd be staying in.

I felt like I was having a flashback, right before my eyes as I watched him leave, after only spitting the truth, and I let him leave, without stopping him.

Why was I like this?

Why did this always end the same way?

I had never not once stepped up and tried to make things work, I knew that when things got difficult, I left, and didn't look back.

I walked away from my mom when she remarried shortly after my dad's death to Rob.

I walked away from my stepsister and didn't return her phone calls, texts, or offers to meet up.

I didn't fight for Lisa, my ex-girlfriend when she told me how she felt about being with me, in hopes that I would fight for her to stay.

Yet most of all, I was repeating history with someone I liked, someone I laughed with, joked with, and someone I was falling in love with.

What the hell was I even doing?

Nicholas had his issues, and god is he pushy, with that handsome smile and with those irresistible eyes, yet he was hard to not fall in love with.

I was scared to be with him because I had never felt this way, but I was more scared of losing him and regretting it.

I went after Nicholas, my heart pounding in my chest, and my body itching to see him, my head in body in a constant panic as I tried to find my way through the upstairs maze.

Then I saw him, coming out from a room down the other side of the hall, and then locked eyes with me.

I walked over to him, faster and faster with each step, not caring how nervous, and completely terrified I was at that moment.

I didn't want this to be the last time I would see him, or talk to him.

I stood in front of him, this incredible person, this person who likes me of all people, and I told him the truth, without the bullshit.

“I love you too,” I told him, as he stared widely at me, frozen in place.

“You're right.” I released a shaky breath, as I looked up at him.

“I didn't want to give us a chance because I was scared that you would realize someday that I wasn't worth it, and that you'd throw me away, it wasn't about anything else, I just didn't want you to see that I cared about you more than I wanted to admit, because if you did, you'd realize that I'm not as confident as I seem… I'm complicated, but I'm sure about one thing.”

I swallow hard, and reach out my hand, which was shaking furiously, to touch and wrap around his.
“I don't want to lose what we could be.”

There, I had said it, what was eating me the entire two weeks of not being able to see, or talk to him, I let it all out and I felt as though a huge weight had lifted from my shoulders.

I didn't know when it happened, but soon after he came into the bakery, I kept looking for him, waiting for him, and being disappointed when he wouldn't turn up.

I didn't want to admit that I had feelings, because once I did, I knew that just like Lisa, I would be exposed, and easily wounded, only to never be able to open myself up again.