H.S | Same song, second verse | Second book

Chapter 4. Composing Myself

"Time heals all wounds" they said. At this point it had been 7 months and I was still just as heartbroken. But because I was so busy with life, I didn't even have time to process the heartache. I found myself going out every single day – hitting up clubs, bars, or whatever events I could find. Whenever the emotions got too overwhelming, I turned to songwriting.

It became my way of dealing with everything that was going on. Some days, the lyrics flowed effortlessly, like my heart was doing the talking. Other times, it felt like pulling teeth trying to find the right words to match how I was feeling. But no matter how tough it got, music was always there for me, like my own personal therapy session.

Strumming chords and jotting down lyrics became my escape, helping me make sense of all the mess inside me. Through those melodies, I found a bit of peace, a break from the pain that seemed never-ending.

[June 10th, 2014]

So, picture this: I'm sprawled out in bed beside Drew Starkey, just doing the usual scroll through TikTok, Instagram, and Twitter. You know, typical 19-year-old stuff. But then, like always, my mind starts wandering. I'm thinking about how people see me, about time slipping away, about comments saying I don't act my age, about what the future holds and if I have already peaked. My brain is filled with questions.

So, what's a girl like me supposed to do when her thoughts are doing a mad dance she can't keep up with? Well, I'll tell you what I do: I write songs. Yep, that's my go-to move. I put all these jumbled thoughts down on paper, so they'll quiet down in my head.

I drag myself out of bed, shuffle over to my desk, and grab a pen and paper. Back in bed, I prop myself up against the headboard and just let it all flow. When am I gonna stop being smart beyond my years and just start being smart?

I don't like that. Wait. Hmm, not smart. Intelligent? Ew, no. You can't sing that. Um what about...wise.

When am I gonna stop being wise beyond my years and just start being wise? I write that down.

I like starting with 'when' questions. So, hmm. When am I gonna...stop? something for my age and just start being...something? Yeah, I like that. What about...When am I gonna stop being great for my age and just start being good? Perfect.

So another when quistion... I pick up my phone and then it hits me. When am I gonna stop being a pretty young thing to guys?

And then another...Uhh i got it...When will it stop being cool to be quietly misunderstood?

Then the chorus could be after that. What if it's someone telling me something. Got your whole life ahead of you, you're only 19? Yeah but something needs to be before that.

Um something...Happy birthday to me. What about I'll eat...no. I'll open up the presents...happy birthday to me. No. I'll...blow out the candles, happy birthday to me. Uhh, love that. Then: Got your whole life ahead of you, you're only 19.

I let out a slow breath, taking in my surroundings, hoping for some kind of clue or spark of inspiration. Then, with a shrug, I push myself up from my bed and head over to where I keep my trusty black lyric book. It's like a diary, but instead of writing about my day, I jot down lyrics whenever life feels like it's singing to me.

Flipping through the pages, my eyes catch on a line that hits close to home: "I fear that they already got all the best parts of me." Maybe just put a But in front.

I also feel like I'm letting people down. My supporters, fans and the people who love me. Therefore I write: And I'm sorry that I couldn't always be your teenage dream.