H.S | Same song, second verse | Second book

Chapter 31. He's My Everything, But I'm a Hot Mess

[Feburary 17th, 2017]

"Oh my God, what is wrong with me? He's literally perfect, but... I don't know. It's just too much. I feel like I'm drowning," I blurt out, snatching Abi's cigarette from her lips.

"It's a lot," she says, totally unfazed. "If you go public, you're gonna have to deal with all those rumors about being a slut—or worse, everyone finding out who you really are, Maverick. Are you ready for that?"

I let out a long sigh, watching the smoke swirl into the air like my messy thoughts. "I think I'm ready, but every time I imagine it, I get this knot in my stomach. Like I'm stepping into a spotlight that's way too bright."

Abi raises an eyebrow, the smoke from her cigarette wrapping around her like a filter. "Welcome to the real world, babe, where everyone's got an opinion on your life—even when they have no clue what's really going on."

I roll my eyes, half-laughing. "Ugh, I'm so over being under this damn magnifying glass. Can't I just have one thing that's mine without it being dissected by everyone?"

She shrugs, taking a long drag. "If only. But let's be real—you're too hot and interesting for people to ignore."

"Guilty as charged," I say with a sarcastic grin. "I'm so grateful, I swear. But sometimes, I wish I could just fade into the background, you know? Be that person who goes to work, comes home, and doesn't make headlines."

Abi laughs, leaning back against the wall, her cigarette burning low. "Life doesn't really work like that. You either ride the wave or get knocked down."

I take another drag, feeling the cigarette burn my fingers a bit. "Yeah, I know. But sometimes I wish I had a remote control to just pause and rewind, figure shit out."

She grins, eyes sparkling with that familiar mischief. "Girl, if you find that remote, let me know. I could use it for my own drama."

"Deal," I say, flicking the ashes away. "Guess I'll just keep stumbling through it, one day at a time."

Abi stubs out her cigarette, giving me a soft, understanding smile. "That's the way to do it. The more you try to control things, the crazier they get. Sometimes you just gotta let it happen."

"Easier said than done," I reply, but somehow, her words calm me down, even if it's just a little.

"True," she says, glancing at her watch. "But I've gotta get back to work, babe, and I have a feeling you've got a conversation with Harry waiting for you." She kisses my cheek before heading inside. "Call me later. I want all the details."

I watch Abi disappear into the building, her silhouette fading as she steps through the door. I stand there for a moment, just breathing in the cool air and letting it calm me down a little. The knot in my stomach is still there, but it's less tight, like it's loosened just a bit after our talk.

I pull out my phone and stare at Harry's name on the screen. My thumb hovers over the call button, but I just can't bring myself to press it yet. Instead, I shove the phone back into my pocket and start walking, trying to clear my head.

As I walk, I think about what Abi said—how life really doesn't always give us a choice, we just have to roll with it. It's true, but it's frustrating as hell. I've always been the type to plan everything, to have control over every little detail. But this thing with Harry? It's the opposite of controlled. It's messy and unpredictable, and it scares me.

I find myself at the park, the one where Niall gave me a key to their hideaway. It's quiet here, with only a few people scattered around. I sit down on one of the benches, pulling out my phone again. This time, I hit the call button before I can overthink it.