In your arms

December 01, 2023 - Carina's house

Hello everyone!

Initially this was supposed to be the last chapter of this story (and in a sense it closes a trajectory): now I find it almost bitterly ironic that this end would coincide with a far more important end, that of Station 19.

Let's keep the good that the show has given us.

After this chapter there will be another ten or so chapters, in which we move further into the future.

For now, I hope you enjoy the update.

Thank you all, always. See you soon

December 01, 2023 – Carina's house

Carina is literally turning the tables in my life, in every aspect, with her disruptive force and her affective and sexual charge, which she brings with her completely spontaneously and even, at times, unconsciously. These months lived together with her, however few, already feel like a lifetime, because they seem to me to be based on an irreducible and indestructible foundation. Ours is a very deep relationship, which if they had told me long ago I would have been frightened only at the thought, only at the mere hypothesis. Ours is also a very different relationship from what we have had in the past: ours was an intense year full of love, dedications and sharing, but I realize, only now that I am really living it at a high intensity, that both of us, for one reason or another, could not really be ourselves. The most trivial reason, however true, is that we were young. I could also list the fact that I was still too much under my father's influence, while she was still torn in the middle between the blind pain she tried to stifle and hide and the living hope that things could be bright for her. In these months spent together, we happened to tell each other things that later, laughing, we wondered how it was possible that we had not told each other before. It is evident that in any case the imprint of the feeling between us was born then and has survived all this time. But it is equally clear that what we are building now, together, Carina and I, is something so strong as to be inexplicable.

It was unthinkable to me, until a few months ago, to think that I would be absent from work to help someone move. Instead, that is what I am doing, filled with excitement and anticipation at the idea that starting tonight Carina will move into my house for good.

The first step was, for Carina, taking overtime days off and boxing up, practically by herself, all her belongings: from clothes, to dishes, to small appliances she wants to take with her, from towels to sheets. The second step is today, in which I am at her house, trying to help her finish closing all the boxes, which we will gradually take to my house - or rather, ours. The third step will be tomorrow in which I, together with Dean and Jack, will take some furniture belonging to Carina, but which will not fit in my apartment, to a garage we rented together. Momentarily they will stay there, before we decide what to do with them in the future. The final step, the one that in some ways Carina feels is the most important of all, will take place on Sunday evening, at our home, where we have invited our friends for a small party.

The pace Carina is keeping in boxing up her possessions is damn slow for me. My analytical mind works differently from hers, which is chaotic and creative, and if I had a plan in my head of labeled, numbered boxes arranged from the least fragile to the most fragile, Carina has been doing one and the same, throwing things inside the cartons more or less at random. Partly to avoid getting hives at her mess, partly to avoid being really too late, I have already made two rounds, alone, of loading and unloading boxes, with my car, from her house to our house. When I am about to approach to start the third lap, Carina starts complaining and saying that she expected something different from this joint move, like kisses and caresses and sex all over the place. I look at her with my arms along my sides, because I can't even tell if she is joking or not!