Warning: Mentions familial death
"You haven't eaten much, something wrong with it?"
You turned your attention from the food you barely touched to outside the window and the woman across from you got up to hold her hand out for you to take. You glanced up at her and then placed your hand in hers, abandoning the cloth napkin that was on your lap on the table, letting her lead you over to the far window that had the best view.
Without giving it a second thought, you slipped off your heels and got on your knees before sitting sideways on the carpet, eyes glued to the view of the city.
The lights twinkled down below as the stars did the same above and the contrast was other worldly. This was probably the best view anyone would ever get, and you weren't going to look away for a second to miss it.
She easily sat down next to you, sitting criss cross, and you barely noticed the way she was watching you as your eyes scanned over every inch you could, trying to take it all in.
"Mesmerizing." You found yourself mumbling into the comfortable silence and it normally would surprise you that it wasn't awkward, but you noticed with Natasha, nothing really was after getting to know each other about a week or so ago.
"I agree." She whispered softly, her breath fanning over your ear and sending a shiver down your back when she leaned in close, but you stubbornly still didn't spare her a glance.
The two of you talked before and during dinner, she always had a way of making you forget the reason for your anxiousness or hesitation, but the second you had let it sink in was the moment you couldn't keep pretending.
"I don't like it here." You admitted quietly, playing with the hem of your dress and frowning down at it, wishing you had worn something a bit more comfortable to sit on the floor with, but you couldn't have predicted this.
She pursed her lips, furrowing her eyebrows, and then gently pushed some hair behind your ear so she could see the side of your face, lightly touching your chin with two fingers, guiding you to face her.
You couldn't look her in the eyes, feeling too ashamed for even enjoying this place's view that represented so much, and she saw your struggle, but couldn't quite place why it was present in the first place.
"Why?" She asked carefully and you sighed softly when you let yourself look into her deep green eyes, getting lost for a second with how the color swirled around her dilated pupils, the dim lighting of the room adding to them.
"I've given...I've just seen what this place – these people have done," You held back, your heart aching with the need to tell someone, but you knew keeping it buried would prolong the good you could do, "And day in, day out, does Iron Man care about the people on the ground?" You asked her, not really looking for an answer, "Sure, they're safe for now, but does Captain America help people with putting their lives back together after disaster strikes or does Bruce Banner personally replace the cars he totals?" You shook your head, looking away, "People come to me, tell me their story, and I listen to them, but I can only do so much."
"You heal them?" She whispered after a moment and you snapped your attention to her, offended.
"Of course, I do! Why else would I have these powers? What good would they be if I bought them and just-"
You clamped your mouth shut and she tilted her head curiously a second before you were scrambling to get off the floor in haste.
"You what?" She asked, reaching out for you, but you brushed her off, peering around frantically as if you had lost track of where the exit was.
"I didn't mean – thanks for dinner, I'll um," You started walking backwards towards the elevator while carrying your heels, "I'll see you around Natasha."
Luckily, the elevator dinged open in seconds and she let you go, but you couldn't face her as you clicked the lobby's floor, letting out a deep breath as you pressed against the back wall of the elevator after the doors closed.
Your body felt overheated, your mind spinning, and the hit of cool, fresh air as you left the lobby helped, but you still grabbed the nearest bin, tossing whatever dinner you did manage to eat into it.
After you hopped into an Uber, you just held your stomach and texted Paige to let her know you would be coming by tomorrow, even though it was Sunday. She said that was fine, she'd love the company, but didn't think she'd have much for you to do.
In your mind, you knew the assassin would be swinging by to check up on you tomorrow when you didn't answer her texts and you figured a few hours spent at the shelter would be the perfect way to avoid the entire thing.
You had slipped, you were feeling on edge and overloaded, and you slipped.
It was the wine and the atmosphere and the beautiful redhead who just seemed to know every one of your buttons without being told and it happened.
The attack on New York was brutal.
So many lives were lost, so many livelihoods destroyed, and the damage couldn't be undone with SHIELD's clean up or Stark's money. So, the people sought out comforts to cope with their worlds being turned upside down and you were one of them.
You had lost you're your family.
Your parents had been driving with your older brother back to Brooklyn from the University of Pennsylvania and they got caught in the middle of the chitauris, the car falling from one of the bridges that they crashed into, landing them in the Hudson. Your father had survived, just barely, and months later, he suffered from a heart attack, killing him.
You knew the pain of losing his wife and child contributed to it, but you still didn't blame anyone for the accident, it had only been the fuel you needed to find others who were suffering and help them in any way you could.
Unlocking your apartment and getting greeted by the happiest dog who seemed to live to love was by far one of the only things that kept you going in the beginning. Your friends were there for you, but they went through losses too and leaning on each other was sometimes the only option.
But when others came to you, a domino effect when word of mouth passed around the rumor someone who volunteered at the local shelter could perform miracles, you didn't see a choice in it and you've been using what you found, what you sacrificed for, to help rebuild this broken city.
And you were running out of time to do so.
