The Safe Haven (A Newt x Reader Story)

Chapter 12: Maybe, Just Maybe... Everything will be Okay

Your face was blushed red in frustration and embarrassment as you hurried your way towards your hut. Why the hell does she have to be a part of the equation? Everything is fucked up enough as it is, and now Harriette is a massive problem in your mind. If everything wasn't already stressful enough for you, you lock eyes with someone on your way back to your hut. A few feet away from you stood Minho, holding an axe, heading towards the tree line. His shirt was drenched in sweat, making the fabric of his shirt cling conveniently to his toned abs and muscular arms. It reminded you of when you used to run together in the maze. Feelings were a lot less complex back then. He stopped in his tracks and stared you down, not in a malicious way as you had expected. Instead, his face held a soft expression. His face showed he had a lot to say, and that scared you. You weren't ready to face him yet. The guilt still overran your mind and at the moment, you were preoccupied with worries of not losing Newt. Purely out of guilt and embarrassment, you avoided his gaze and held your head low as if you hadn't just held eye contact with him harshly just a moment ago, and you rushed past him, staring a the ground in shame. An aching feeling appeared in your heart when you looked at him, being reminded of exactly what you've done to him. This was a feeling you'd rather not feel at the moment. You just couldn't muster up the courage to speak to him quite yet. The wounds felt too fresh to try to pick at.

You slammed yourself flat on your bed when you made it back to your small room. You held your head in frustration as you pondered what you got yourself into.

"I'm a terrible person." You breathed out. You felt like sobbing but denied those feelings as you felt that wallowing in self-pity was a selfish thing to do. Selfish, a word that described you to a T. You had no idea why your friends had put up with you, and why of all people Newt, who you treated like clunk, would ever want to be with you. With that said, you truly didn't want to lose him. He was your world. He was so patient, so kind, so full of life. Even when you made his life difficult, he still looked at you with endearing eyes. You didn't deserve him. You didn't deserve any of them.

Throwing on your clean clothes and towel-drying your hair the best that you could, you walked out of your hut, determined to get back to being productive. Maybe if you just forgot about all of the drama and guilt, you could give yourself a little bit of normalcy. You grabbed up an axe from the tool shed and made your way to the scrap wood to chop up for kindling. As you were chopping, you had to admit, you felt a little bit back to your old self. The current conflicts were not a concern to you. You were in your own mind space, thinking about what was going to be cooked for dinner tonight, trying to guess by the smell coming from the steam and smoke of the cooking area. You knew immediately fish was being cooked by the distinct smell that lingered in the air, but with that, a bit of some sort of vegetable broth smell came with it as well, just not as potent. The delightful aromas made your mouth water in anticipation of your next meal. You unfortunately had lost anything that coated your stomach just this morning, so being tormented with delicious smells of freshly cooked meals that you couldn't have right away, made it hard to put all of your energy into your swings. That and the fact that you were still slightly sore from violently vomiting your guts out this morning.

As you lean back from swinging, you raise your head, having sweat drip down your forehead and nose. Although, your immediate gaze in front of you was your friends, Thomas, Gally, Newt, and Minho. They all sat around an unlit firepit, downing water bottles and conversing with each other. They must be taking a break. When you look up, you meet eyes with Newt. Noticing your gaze, he gives a small smile and waves at you. You felt embarrassed though, knowing that you probably looked like a sweaty mess as you felt a drip of sweat fall off the tip of your nose. Sitting across from Newt was Minho, who was slouched over and seemed to be talking the least out of all of the boys. You watched as Newt and Thomas got up from their seats and made their way over to the food station to probably grab something else to drink. As they got up, they seemed to have asked Minho if he wanted to join. Minho only gave a slight shake of the head "no", and went back to his limp posture. He seemed so sad. He was usually so lively and full of energy and now... Immediate guilt flooded back to your heart, and you couldn't help but feel an aching pain in your chest as you got back to your job. Why had you ignored him earlier? You could have talked to him and tried to smooth things over, but you didn't. You put your own comfort over him, and in hindsight, most likely made the situation between you two more awkward. You couldn't stand it. The guilt ate you up inside. Swiftly, you slammed the axe into an unchopped piece of wood and stomped your way over to where Minho was sitting.

"Minho!" You announced with a strained voice, forcing yourself to speak to him even though you had a hard time hiding your embarrassment that surely painted your cheeks a rosy red. Maybe he'll think it was just a sunburn.

"I need to talk to you!" He looked at you with a neutral expression, making it hard for you to read him. He had his head turned to you as you stood over him stiff as a board.

"I know this doesn't take back what I did or make it any better, but I want to say..." You gulped as you found it still difficult to be this vulnerable, but shuck, you'd been doing it all day, why stop with Newt? "I'm sorry. Truly I am. I've been a terrible friend to you and caused you so much pain. I never meant to hurt you and it kills me inside that I know that I probably ruined our friendship over a mistake I made. You can hate me and you can not forgive me. I don't forgive me, I don't expect you to do the same. But if you would allow me to, I'd like to prove to you that I can be a better friend to you." You rambled all of this off as it came to your head. You went into this conversation not having a clue in your head what you were about to say, but you surprised yourself that you had managed to ramble off practically everything that seemed to be eating you up inside. Your head was down, avoiding eye contact, fearing the reaction you would get from him. What you didn't expect was a large hand that landed on your head and ruffled your hair.

"You're full of surprises lately Glader girl! I think that's the world's first time you ever admitted to being wrong." Minho now stood up to be face to face with you. You gave an embarrassed and irritated glare at Minho as he teased you. Usually, you would fight back in some way, but you were in the wrong, and you said you would do better in being nicer to everyone.

"It's true. I've been a shank to all of you."

"You're always a shank, Y/n, we're used to it," Gally called out from a nearby bench, overhearing the conversation.

"Butt Out Gally!" You snapped back.

"Y/n," Minho said, grabbing your attention back. "We're cool." He shot you a reassuring grin and you couldn't help but smile back. Without much thought, you threw yourself at Minho, forcing him into a tight embrace.

"WOAH!" He exclaimed, caught off guard by your gesture. He seemed that he wasn't sure whether to hug you back or not.

"I'm glad to have you as my friend, Min!" You let your vulnerability truly show. You felt his arms slightly relax to his sides and simply give you a pat on the head. You giggled to yourself at his awkwardness. You started to feel a little bit of reassurance that maybe, just maybe this will all be okay.

"Hey, what's going on here?" You heard behind you. You turned your head to see that Newt and Thomas had come back with a cooler full of drinks. A lump had seemed to form in your throat now as you seemed to panic for words to explain what he just saw. 

Shuck, I might have fucked this whole thing up again!

"Newt, it's not what-" Minho begins to explain, but is cut off by Newt.

"Man, you don't have to defend yourself for hugging y/n, relax." This reassured Minho and he allowed himself to hug you back, something he wanted to do for a while now. He was so afraid of losing you altogether that this embrace was exactly what he needed to allow himself to breathe. You also allowed yourself to relax a bit now, closing your eyes and embracing having your friend back.

After hugging, you stood up straight and announced "I uh, I got to get back to working now." You really didn't know how to break the ice afterward, so that was quite an awkward exit. As you began to walk away, you looked to Newt who seemed to have a mischievous look on his face.

"Do I get a goodbye?" Quickly you threw yourself into a bear hug with him, barely giving him time to hug you back. Feeling anxious and antsy, you quickly darted off with a "See you later!"

"Well, she's trying, I guess that's all that matters." Minho chuckles at your awkwardness.

"Eh, I don't mind," Newt speaks as he smiles ear to ear as he watches you dart off towards your work area.

Maybe, just maybe, everything will work out fine.