The Safe Haven (A Newt x Reader Story)

Chapter 4: Stubborness

In a temper fit, you slam the door behind you. You had held in the tears up until now. That's why you knew you couldn't look back.
Don't ever let them see you weak.
That was a motto you lived by soon after coming into the maze. Everyone was always worried about you. Everyone always thought you'd slow them down. When your periods hit, it practically crippled you. Most of the boys didn't complain though, but you knew they looked at you as a weak link. You stopped laying in bed all day on weeks you were on your periods. Instead you began working harder and harder. It wasn't long after that you were promoted.
"I think that you're all giving the girl way too much credit. Just because she can do things efficiently doesn't mean she needs to go out there!" Gally protested. There you sat, in the middle of a circle of people who protested back and forth on whether or not to make you a runner.
"She's not just efficient. She's exactly what we bloody need out there!" Newt commented.
"Listen, the endurance on this shank is incredible. I've never seen her get tired." Minho spoke up. That was true, but the thing was, you always felt tired, worn out, and in pain. You just never showed it.
"Well then maybe she's not doing enough work, Minho. Have you thought of that? How many times has she been off duty over cramps?" Gally looked around the room, waiting for a comeback. I knew he was right. I wasn't meant to be a runner. I would only hold them back.
"She's a bloody girl, Gally, she has periods, not just cramps. She's bleeding for shuck sake." Gally began to protest Newt once more when Alby spoke up.
"I believe y/n can do it. It's just a matter of whether y/n wants to do it." The whole room turned to you. There you sat, not having said a word the whole time. "Well y/n, what do you think? You haven't spoken this whole time."
"What do you say, shank face, you want to join us on a run tomorrow?" Minho shot you a grin, a grin that said "I believe in you" behind it. That grin gave you the courage or maybe it was fear, to give him a smile back.
"I'm in."
Here you sat now, pathetically on your bed, weeping, over what? It's just Newt, he'll get over it, and in the end he got his way anyway. You hated Newt right now. He always held you back from things in order to protect you. He always argued with you about going on dangerous missions with them or staying out "too late" in the maze. Why did he care so much about you?
Why did he care so much about you, and why did you care so much about him?
He's just like an older brother to you... right?
You peered out of the large window in your room that was covered in white, torn up curtains, to see Newt in the distance back to chopping logs. At this point his shirt was off, which showed off the features of his back. You watched as his shoulder blades popped out and his back muscles tightened as he swung back with the ax making his back arch beautifully. His skin glistened in sweat and you could see the trails of sweat leading down his back in a perfect little river. As he turned around to get a new piece of wood, you could see his stomach muscle glisten as well. He wasn't built like a bodybuilder by any stretch, but you didn't want him to be. His petite body held muscle tone in just the right areas. It also allowed you to see his perfectly defined v-line trailing down past his belt. Damn, what it would take to see past that.
You didn't just admire his body, but you also admired his personality. Everyone always said you brought the best out in him, a soft side they didn't know he had. That seemed to be true, noticing how he held himself around others versus you, but occasionally, he gets stern with you. Maybe it was a power complex of his.
"Y/n?" A voice behind you scared you out of your train of thought and you flew around, seeing who was in your room.
"Thomas!" You screech, "What the hell are you doing barging in like that? I could have been changing or something, and you didn't even knock! What's wrong with you?"
"Okay, first of all, I did knock.. a lot.., and I yelled, and you still didn't hear me. I knew you were in here because I heard the slam-" Thomas cuts off his sentence and his face draws a soft look. "What's wrong?"
"What do you mean?" You say with a fake smile, a smile you gave all the time to ensure no one should worry about you, but Thomas didn't seem to buy it.
"You have tears running down your face, and your eyes are teary and red. What happened?" Thomas started towards you and sat down gently on the bed beside you. A part of you wanted to keep up the act and play on until Thomas left you alone, but the part of you that begged for a shoulder to cry on won and your walls crumbled once more.
"It's just Newt." You cried out. "We got in a fight and I said some things I wish I didn't say. It's so stupid. Why do I have to be so damn stubborn all of the time? I couldn't just let him help me and admit I'm hurt. Instead I stressed him out and I hurt him, when all he does for me is always just want to help me and protect me." Thomas didn't have to say a word and he didn't for a while, he let you soak up the sleeve of his shirt with tears and he just rubbed your back soothingly. You cried an ugly cry you had never let out in front of anyone before. Today was the day that little miss Sunshine's walls fell down, and behind it was a flood of tears and pain.
"You know Newt will forgive you." Thomas finally spoke.
"He shouldn't forgive me. I'm awful to him. Why does he care so badly about me anyway? What do I give back to him?" Thomas stayed silent after your comment. "Thomas?" You looked up at him to see him biting his lip.
"We all care for you y/n. We all care for each other. It's what we do." He answers back.
"No, no. no. He cares more than all of you do about me. He is always so protective of me. Damn, I can get a bloody scratch and he's trying to play savior." You stand up in frustration and throw your hands in the air.
"But you'd do the same for him." Thomas says. You looked him in the eyes, you had no comeback. "Wouldn't you, y/n? You'd do the same for him."
"I don't know about that, I-"
"Because you love him, y/n."
"I love all of you."
"No. Not like that. You don't love him like a brother. You don't even love him like a friend. You love him way more than that, y/n." Thomas stands up with you and looks at you sternly. You could feel your true feelings getting closer and closer to the surface, but you didn't want that. You wanted to just go back to when you didn't have these complicated feelings, when things were easier and you were all a family. If these feelings get out, the whole dynamic is ruined. Newt will never look at you the same and he'll be freaked out.
"Y/n," Thomas puts a hand on your shoulder, "It's okay to admit it. It doesn't make you weak to love someone." For some odd reason, this comforted you.
"I don't fully know how I feel about him, Thomas." You whisper, putting your head down. "He makes me feel a certain way that I can't explain."
"You were watching him out the window just now when I walked in weren't you?" Thomas gives you a playful grin.
"I was not!" You screech out. "I mean I was watching him, but only to make sure he was doing my job correctly." You cross your arms and pout a bit.
"You are stubborn." Thomas begins to walk over to the door.  "I'll leave you alone. You need to figure out some stuff by yourself."
"Thanks Thomas." You say with a grin of gratitude.
"Hey," He stops just as he gets to the door and turns around and looks at you, "Just please don't hurt him."
"I give you full permission to smack me around if I do, because I deserve it." He gives you a nod and closes your door behind him. You shared a large hut with Thomas, Newt, Frypan, Minho, Gally, Brenda, and Jorge, but you all had separate rooms. There was one large hallway that had eight doors to it, four to each side. Yours was the first room on the right. After yours was Brenda, Jorge, and Gally at the end of the hall. Across the hall from you was Thomas first, and continuing down was Newt, Minho, and Frypan, so the whole slamming the door thing probably wasn't the best idea. Plus, your room was small, only big enough to fit a twin sized bed, a dresser and a lamp. The walls were made of thin pieces of wood that had a few cracks. It was a wonder how you didn't hear Thomas on the other end knocking. It just showed how much of a trance you were in. You could hear everything in there. One night you could hear the coughing jaggs of Frypan all the way on the opposite end of the hall as clear as if he was standing in the same room with you. It's a good thing you were a heavy sleeper, because the snores of Gally keeps Minho up all of the time and leaves him in a bad mood in the mornings. You swear one night Minho just may sneak into Gally's room and put a pillow over his face until he stops breathing just to get some shut eye.
You allowed yourself now to lay in your bed. You had to admit, your body ached so badly and still begged for some rest after the events of this morning. Reluctantly, you closed your eyes and soon drifted to a deep sleep.