The Safe Haven (A Newt x Reader Story)

Chapter 9: Leave Me

You gripped your hair in frustration as guilt overwhelmed your body.

"I ruined everything! I ruined everything! I let my fucking feelings get in the way and now look what happened!! I fucked it all up! I fuck everything up!" You cried out, sobbing sloppily as tears streamed down your face and onto your clothes and sheets. You wanted to rip out your hair and scream into the sky. This is why you have always just bottled everything up. You ran on survival instincts and it got you all here. Now you let those instincts go and ran on selfish intents. Now look at you. You ruined your relationship with your best friend, you probably ruined Newt and Minho's friendship, and in the end, you can't even say Newt is yours.

Suddenly that guilty feeling in your gut seemed to stir up the bad decisions of last night. You knew immediately that the countless drinks you had indulged in were now here to haunt you.

"Shit!" You cursed out as you covered your mouth to keep yourself from vomiting on yourself. With your other hand, you gripped your stomach as the hangover now felt as if it were stabbing you in the gut. Sharp pains erupted in your stomach and involuntary gags and huffs came out of your mouth. It's crazy what adrenaline can do to a person who's about to throw up. Even though the pain made you feel like passing out, the feeling of vomiting made you sprint to the nearest toilet like a track star. You knew you looked like a mess as you practically broke through the door of your hut with a hand gasping your stomach, the other over your mouth in fear that if you let go you would vomit in front of everyone, your hair was still a bed head mess from sleeping, and your eyes were red and puffy from sobbing only a minute ago. 

Hastily, you darted toward the communal bathrooms which unfortunately were located a large enough distance away from your hut that you managed to gain some attention of the locals by your hurried and ungracious sprint to the bathrooms. As soon as you opened the door, you crumbled to your knees and hugged the nearest toilet like it was a long-lost friend as you vomited harshly into the bowl. Strangely, you found yourself beginning to sob again in between breaths before vomiting more. Fuck you were a mess! Fuck this whole situation is a mess!

Newt's POV:

"Minho wait!" I called after my friend desperately. He didn't run but instead walked hurriedly, his head hung low, trying to hide his face from everyone.

"Minho please let's talk about this!" I was getting closer to him, but his pace didn't let up. Finally, I reached him, placing my hand on his shoulder to stop him in his tracks.

"Get off me Newt." He spoke in a low tone, sounding almost too calm for the situation.

"I want to talk to you Minho. Just lay everything out on the table... both of us." I sigh out, knowing that I for once would have to be vulnerable about how I feel as well as Minho. This seemed to grab his attention though as he spun around to face me and took in a deep breath.

"Fine, then tell me how you feel Newt," Minho asks with a stone-cold expression.

"About what exactly?"

"You know damn what!-" He began to raise his voice but stopped himself once his tone got too loud. He let out a heavy sigh and plopped down on the ground, patting the dirt beside him to invite me to sit as well. I accepted his invitation and pondered for a moment on how exactly I did feel.

"Well, I like Y/n. I've liked her for a while now. Ever since the glade."

"Yeah me too." Minho stares off into the distance towards the water. His comment caught me off guard. I never noticed that he even showed interest in Y/n. There were never any signs that he ever looked at her in that way, at least nothing obvious to me.

"You-you did? I didn't know." I spoke shocked at his confession.

"Yeah well I could tell you liked her, and she liked you, so I buried my feelings for her and stopped trying to pursue someone who didn't want me back. I thought I got over her, but when she kissed me, those feelings resurfaced."

"You could tell I liked her in the glade? Was it that obvious?" I now felt slightly embarrassed as I had though I kept those feelings very under the radar. 

"Please, everyone knew. Well, everyone except for y/n. Damn you guys have a hard time noticing each other's flirting and feelings." Minho rolled his eyes. 

"She liked me back in the glade?" I pondered for a moment but shook it off after realizing that's not what's important right now. "Man, I'm sorry I didn't notice how you felt. If I knew that you liked her-"

"You would have done the same thing I did. I know. But that's not fair to either of you when you both want to be together." Minho held a sad yet slightly reassuring grin. "I'll get over it. Don't let me get in the way of what's meant to be between you two."

"Minho, are you sure?" I asked, scanning his face to make sure he was okay with this.

"Yeah, man." He gave me a pat on the back and a genuine smile. "Now why the shuck are you still here with me? You have your girl waiting in bed for you." He nudged me slightly, now holding a more joyous tone to his voice.

"R-right!" I spoke, now standing up, but before I walked off I turned to Minho. "Hey Minho, you're a good man! And one day I'll be your wingman to help you get a girl too!" This made him smile and laugh as he said "A lot of help you would be!" with a snicker.

With that, I ran off to the shared hut and turned the corner to Y/n's room. Nervousness filled my stomach as I realized that entering her bedroom seemed much more special than it did before. I felt excited to see her again, even though it had been only 5 minutes. I wanted to continue the kiss and where we left off. My skin still felt hot from her soft fingertips on my skin and my lips felt tingly from her lips on mine. I let out a nervous sigh, trying to let out all of the jitters from my body so that I came off confident to Y/n. After doing so, I creaked open her thin wooden door and peered into her room.

"Y/n?" I spoke softly, trying not to startle her. Although, she was nowhere to be seen in her room. I wondered for a moment where she had gone and made my way outside to try and search for her. I scanned the area for her when I heard the all too familiar sound of her viciously vomiting.

"Shuck, y/n!" I cursed under my breath as I raced towards the bathrooms where I found her hanging onto the toilet seat for dear life. Her body looked drained as her legs no longer even held her up and simply went limp out to the sides. In between her vomiting, she choked-out sobs which stabbed straight into my heart. I quickly gathered up her hair which had fallen onto her face and held it back behind her. With my other hand, I rubbed her back soothingly as I hushed her softly.

"Shh it's okay, it's okay. I'm here." I whispered. She began heaving again, throwing up soon after. I tried my best not to let the sound and sight affect me too much, otherwise, I would start vomiting as well.

"It's not okay!" She sobs out after vomiting, now out of breath. "I ruined everything!"

"You didn't ruin anything, everything is going to be okay." I tried to assure her. Suddenly, she sat up from hugging the toilet and fell back on her heels. Tears streamed down her face. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, her lips puffy from vomiting, and her cheeks were rosy.

"I ruined everything, Newt. I hurt everyone." She sobbed out pathetically.

"Listen, everything is fine. Things got a little rough but they'll all be okay. I'm here for you. I'm not going to leave you." I looked her deep into her eyes, trying to stress what I meant to her. I placed my hand on her cheek, wiping away some of the tears from her face. Surprisingly though, she pulled her head away from my hand.

"You should leave me, Newt."

"W-what?"

"I promised Thomas and myself that I would NEVER hurt you... and I did, and I hurt Minho. I'm no good for you. I will only hurt you, Newt. That's what I do when someone cares for me. I hurt them." Her eyes were glassy with more tears she was holding back as her lip quivered. She bit it though to try to keep her composure, but she couldn't keep her hands from trembling. She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth. 

"So please, for your own damn good, Newt, leave me!"