Hers Freely

39. Winter's anxiety

The whole week I relentlessly ignored the Beta's presence. My actions had been embarrassing, and these strange feelings terrified me. Despite my efforts, I felt his gaze, monitoring my every move. It seemed as though his attention lingered on me more than usual, sending a shiver down my spine. The tension between us was apparent, crackling in the air whenever we were in the same room.

With the pack's careful preparations for winter, a surge of anxiety rose in me. If the winters are as harsh as they describe, I'll be stuck here. There's no way I could make the trip down this mountain especially with my bad leg. The stories they shared, of blizzards that engulfed the mountain, and of the cruel, unforgiving cold, filled me with a dread.

How could I survive a winter here? I wouldn't have a chance against the biting winds and blankets of snow.

I'll have to leave before then. But how was I going to convince this stubborn wolf to take me. His knowledge of this territory gave me a better chance to make it down.

Should I keep playing the role of the good little pet?

He seems to think I've given up, that I've settled into staying. But he's wrong. I'm clinging to the plan to stay on his good side that eventually he will get tired of me. However, time is running out. Perhaps, if I summon some courage and try talking to him about how miserable I am, he might be moved to grant me my freedom and take me to the human village before the winter's chill sets in.

Who am I kidding, nothing ever turns out right for me.

I still don't get him insisting I stay here, he knows I don't belong. Could it be his plan all along for winter to hit so he gets to keep his human pet longer?

I don't trust any of them. I can't trust any of them.

A simmering anger, and a spark of defiance stir within me. If he thinks I'm done trying to get to freedom, he's sorely mistaken. I'm still going to keep looking for a way to escape down this mountain. I won't give up until I'm free. Even if it means risking my life.

I just gotta keep my wits about me and stay focus on my plan. I clutched my hands tightly, a gnawing sense of doubt always crept into my mind, as much as I tried to convince myself that I don't have feelings for him, Jonah always made it easy to second guess my decision about him. Yes, he was different from the other wolves I've dealt with. His features were striking, captivating, but there was a softness in his eyes that penetrated my defenses. And when he smiled at me, it was like a ray of sunshine breaking through the darkness of our world.

Dammit I'm losing my mind.

Though I can't erase how the ferocity in his eyes would always follow me, searching for something that I refused to show. I struggled with emotional connection. I felt my action may have resulted in miscommunication and misunderstandings regarding our situation.

It was clear that he was trying to give me space, but to protect who? Himself or me?

The question hung over me as I found myself assigned the unenviable task of cleaning up the training field alongside the other Omegas. Although it seemed more of a punishment than a chore.
The sun beat down on my back, warming the sweat that was already trickling down my spine. A faint cool breeze carried the scent of earth and pine needles that filled my nostrils, a far cry from the usual smell of wolf piss in the communal bathrooms.