Hers Freely

38. Not enough

I could see her searching for me from that rickety cabin window. It took all my willpower not to go to her. Ella, with her gentle eyes filled with longing and fear, deserved someone who could give her the normal life she craved. Not a life filled with secrets and danger like mine. With a heavy heart, I turned away from her and disappeared into the darkness, leaving Ella alone in the safety of the cabin.

The night was alive with sounds - rustling leaves, distant howls, and the beating of my own heart. Adrenaline coursed through my veins as the untamed wilderness of my wolf surged forth, unleashing a tempest of emotions within my mind. As I fled deeper into the embrace of the forest, I grappled with a profound sense of longing and uncertainty. I spent the night wondering if I would ever find someone who truly wanted me. Once I was the lucky one that had found his fated mate but it had become both a blessing and a curse. She didn't think I was enough.

With each stride, I sank my claws into the unyielding earth, desperate to outrun the agonizing pain that gnawed at my soul. Darkness enveloped me, mirroring the emptiness that consumed my being. I questioned if my soul would ever find peace in a world that seemed to reject the very essence of who I was.

Was it futile? This fixation on the human female. She didn't want me, and I had to accept it, let her go. There was no bond, no connection, only a painful intrigue. Yet, the thought of letting her go felt like ripping a piece of my soul apart, leaving me raw and exposed to the cruel world.

For most, the search for a destined soulmate could span across years, possibly even a lifetime, or it could never come to happen at all. There were no opportunities for me to try again, and I had to accept that the moon had set me on a different path. While Elrix, as Alpha, was supposed to be blessed with a fated mate, the moon thought otherwise. His true match never appeared, and the pressure of our lineage weighed heavily on us. In order to secure the stability of our pack, my father arranged for him to mate, essentially choosing our destiny for us. Was it wrong to intervene in the natural order of things, to go against the will of the moon?

As the years passed, I watched as Elrix took on the role of dutiful mate and Alpha for the pack. I confessed that I couldn't bear to see him happy, to see him bound to a mate that did not love him. 

So that's what I told myself anyway when seeing them together. I tried to ignore it, burying myself in my duties and pushing my emotions aside.

I remember when I found her by chance. Kyra and her mother were living deep within the woods when I came across this raggedy old shack, a haven built from scavenged wood and weathered by time. Their appearance and ragged clothes spoke volumes of their arduous journey. Kyra's piercing gaze, framed by unkempt hair, held a depth that concealed her tender age. Her mother, a woman etched with the lines of experience, carried herself with a quiet dignity, her eyes burning with an unyielding flame of hope amidst the hardships they had endured.

As I ran through the darkness, memories flooded back to me - of our first meeting under a full moon's light, of our shared laughter and whispered promises. But now those moments felt like distant echoes in time, a constant haunting of what would have been.

The short time I spent with them, I understood that they were survivors, who had learned to thrive in the harshest of conditions. They had become lone wolves, apparently, a rivel pack attacked, killed and disassembled their pack, shattering their lives. Most of the women were captured and integrated into the enemy pack but Kyra and her mother ran. Kyra is a fierce she wolf, her strength rivaling that of an alpha. She proved herself and displayed her dominance quickly when I brought her to our pack. That's why my father didn't think I was deserving of her. He claimed she was meant to lead, not follow. I wonder what he'd think of her now if he was still alive.