Quiet Moments

27 - Bound by Love

Octavia's hands trembled as she stared at her reflection in the small, cracked mirror. The lines of exhaustion were etched deeply into her face, her eyes haunted by the choices she'd made. The weight of her actions as Blodreina pressed down on her chest like an unrelenting vise. She struggled to breathe, each inhalation shallow and ragged.

The quarters she shared with Jade felt stifling tonight, the walls closing in. Her mind raced with memories of bloodshed, the screams of the dying, and the faces of those she'd sentenced to death. She tried to reconcile the person she was with the ruthless leader she had to be, but the two parts of herself clashed violently.

"I can't do this," she whispered to her reflection, her voice barely audible over the pounding of her heart. "I can't keep pretending everything's okay."

She knew Jade would be back soon, and the thought of facing her was unbearable. Jade's gentle smile, her unwavering support, seemed like a cruel reminder of everything Octavia felt she didn't deserve. She felt herself spiraling, the panic rising like a tidal wave threatening to drown her.

The door creaked open, and Jade stepped inside, her face lighting up when she saw Octavia. But her smile faltered as she took in Octavia's pale, strained expression.

"Octavia?" Jade's voice was filled with concern as she crossed the room quickly. "What's wrong?"

Octavia turned away, unable to meet Jade's eyes. "I can't... I can't do this anymore, Jade."

Jade froze, her heart skipping a beat. "What do you mean?"

Octavia's breath hitched, tears welling up in her eyes. "You'd be better off without me. I've become someone I don't even recognize, and I can't drag you down with me."

Jade reached out, her fingers gently brushing against Octavia's arm. "Octavia, don't say that. You know that's not true."

Octavia pulled away, her panic rising. "It is true! Look at what I've done, Jade. Look at who I've become. You deserve so much better than this... than me."

Jade's heart ached at the sight of Octavia breaking down. She stepped closer, her voice firm but gentle. "Octavia, if I thought for one second that I'd be better off without you, I would have left. But I'm here because I love you, because we're stronger together."

Octavia shook her head, tears streaming down her face. "I'm a monster, Jade. I've done terrible things, and I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to be anything else."

Jade cupped Octavia's face in her hands, forcing her to meet her gaze. "You're not a monster. You've made difficult choices, but you've done what you had to do to keep everyone safe. You're more than the sum of your actions."

Octavia's chest tightened, her breaths coming in short gasps. "I can't breathe," she choked out, her panic consuming her.

Jade pulled her into a tight embrace, rubbing soothing circles on her back. "Shh, it's okay. Breathe with me, Octavia. In and out, slowly."

Octavia clung to Jade, her body trembling as she struggled to match Jade's calm, steady breaths. The warmth of Jade's embrace, the sound of her heartbeat, began to ground her, pulling her back from the edge.

After several long moments, Octavia's breathing started to even out. She buried her face in Jade's shoulder, her voice a broken whisper. "I don't know how to keep going."

Jade held her tighter, her own tears threatening to spill. "You don't have to do it alone. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. We'll get through this together, one step at a time."

Octavia pulled back slightly, her eyes searching Jade's face. "How can you still love me after everything?"

Jade smiled softly, brushing a tear from Octavia's cheek. "Because I see the real you, the woman I fell in love with. The one who fights for what she believes in, who cares deeply for her people, and who loves with all her heart."

Octavia's lip quivered, a sob escaping her. "I'm so scared, Jade."

"I know," Jade whispered, her own tears falling now. "But we'll face that fear together. You're not alone in this, Octavia."

They stood there, holding each other, the weight of their emotions heavy but shared. In Jade's arms, Octavia felt a flicker of hope. She wasn't sure what the future held, but she knew that with Jade by her side, she could find the strength to keep going.

Jade gently guided Octavia to sit on the bed, their hands intertwined. "We're going to take this one day at a time, okay? And whenever you feel like it's too much, you come to me. We'll face it together."

Octavia nodded, squeezing Jade's hand. "I'm sorry for trying to push you away."

Jade shook her head. "Don't be sorry. I know it's hard, and I understand. But I'm not going anywhere, Octavia. You're stuck with me."

A small, shaky laugh escaped Octavia's lips. "I think I can live with that."

Jade smiled, leaning in to kiss her softly. "Good. Because I love you, and we're in this together."

They sat in silence for a while, simply holding each other. The darkness outside their quarters seemed less oppressive, the weight on Octavia's chest a little lighter. With Jade's love and support, she felt like she could breathe again, like maybe, just maybe, she could find her way back to herself.

As they lay down together, Octavia felt a sense of peace she hadn't known in a long time. She rested her head on Jade's chest, listening to the steady rhythm of her heartbeat. It was a reminder that she wasn't alone, that she had someone who loved her unconditionally.

"I love you, Jade," Octavia whispered into the darkness.

"I love you too, Octavia," Jade replied, her voice filled with warmth and reassurance.

And in that moment, despite the chaos and uncertainty of their world, Octavia felt a glimmer of hope. She knew that with Jade by her side, she could face whatever challenges lay ahead. They were stronger together, bound by love and an unbreakable bond that no amount of darkness could ever sever.