Better- SeongSang

46 - Seonghwa

After Yeosang had passed out I didn't know what to do. I felt like complete shit. I should have pushed him to tell me how he actually felt about this.

He said he was scared. Is he scared of me? I don't think so but he never answered me. He just cried. I don't know what to do.

I put some clothes on. I put some clothes on him too.

I sat there for a bit. I don't know what to do with him. Pulling the covers over him and making sure he looked comfortable. I kissed him on the head. I grabbed my phone and walked out onto the balcony. I called Hongjoong.

I then realized that I would need to tell him what's going on.

He answered too quickly for my liking right now.

"What's up Hwa?"

"I don't know... what to do."

"Huh? What happened?"

"Yeosang... cried."

"What?! Did you do something to him?! I fucken swear to God, Seonghwa."

"I didn't do anything to him! But how do I say this?" I ran my fingers through my hair. I seriously don't know how to explain to him. I know he doesn't like to talk about this type of stuff. I don't want to ask any of the others about this either.

"Seonghwa what's going on?"

"Ok. Well Yeosang and I... Well we like each other. We have done some things and today he told me he wanted to have sex but then as soon as I was about to... you know... he started to cry and he just told me he was scared and then he passed out!"

He was quiet for too long. I bit my bottom lip. I don't like waiting for a response from him when it's about something important.

"What? Did I hear you correctly? You and Yeosang were going to have sex?... Wait. You two like each other. Ok, we will talk about liking each other later and fucking. He cried?"

"Yeah. He just told me he was scared. He never told me what he was scared of. He passed out."

"Do you think he is scared of you? Scared of being hurt from sex?"

"I don't know."

"Well, it's Yeosang. I know for a while he has been wanting a significant other. I can tell by the way he looked at the rest of us... and when he screamed at us. Maybe he is afraid of you leaving after it."

"I won't."

"Does he know that? Does he trust you enough to know you won't leave him?"

"I don't know! Ok! I don't fucken know! This is the first time I have shown interest in someone, let alone have done sexual things with! I know a lot about him yeah!... Not that I think about it not very fucken much! But I don't know if he trusts me like that. He was the one to initiate it."

"Maybe he initiated it because he knows you want to do it."

"I seriously don't know. I dont care if I do it or not. I just want to be with him. That's why I called you. You know how his brain works more than me. If I had called the others I'm not going to get anything out of it."

"Maybe he doesn't trust you as much as he thought he did and it made him scared. It all comes down to trust with all of these things."

"If he can't trust me... I don't think the relationship between Yeosang and I will go anywhere if he can't."

I turned around when I heard a small cry. Yeosang was standing there.

"Yeosang. What's up?"

He looked like he was about to cry again. "You're a fucken asshole." He slammed the door shut.