Better- SeongSang

69 - Yeosang

I couldn't stop thinking about what he said. Does he really think he isn't worth it?

It seriously made me upset that he thought so low about himself. I bit my bottom lip. I walked back and forth in the living room. He wasn't here.

My body wouldn't stop shaking. How dare he? How dare he fucken think that he isn't worth it?!

I flipped over the coffee table.

Tears welled up in my eyes. I already fucken cried last night talking to him. Now I'm fucken crying again!

I'm willing to give everything up for him and he tells me no! He isn't worth it?! Is he dumb? Is he fucken stupid?!

Walking back and falling onto the couch.

I'm willing to drop everything for him and he just tells me no!

I covered my face and started crying.

I know he wants to stay with me. I want to stay with him. It's the stupid thing that we are agreeing on and yet he tells me to stay with that damn stupid school!

It's fucken ruining my life!

Working so hard, throwing everything else aside for that damn school. Working my ass off to get the highest grades in my class. Studying for so damn long that I couldn't even hang out with my own damn friends to get high scores in all my exams.

And... AND NOW I CAN'T EVEN STAY WITH MY DAMN BOYFRIEND!

I covered my mouth. I felt like screaming. I want to scream but it doesn't feel normal. I didn't like it. It's so frustrating.

Sitting up. I glared at my own friends when they walked in.

"Woah. What happened?" Jongho asked.

Wooyoung came straight over to me. He quickly checked me. "You're not hurt are you?"

I shook my head. "No." I was barely able to get out. I was so damn frustrated I didn't want to speak.

He sighed out of relief.

Yunho put the coffee table back how it was.

"Yeosang, are you ok?" Jongho asked. Wooyoung sat right next to me.

I shook my head.

"What's wrong?" Yunho asked.

I couldn't stop shaking.

"Yeosang?" Wooyoung held my hand.

"I want to drop that damn school." I gritted my teeth.

"What?! Are you dumb?!" Yunho sat down in front of me.

"Woah. Woah. Woah. No, you're not." Jongho said.

Wooyoung quickly held my hand. "Yeosang, why do you want to drop it?"

I felt like crying again. "I talked with him last night." I felt the tears started to roll down my face again. "I told him that if he wanted me to drop it, I will."

"Why would you tell him that?" Jongho really wasn't happy about it.

"Let him finish." Wooyoung said.

"I want to stay with him. I want to go to college together with him. I don't want to be separated from him."

"Everyone goes their separate ways." Yunho gently rubbed my leg.

I shook my head. "I want to stay with him. The thought of being away from him doesn't sit right. It hurts me to think about it."

"Yeosang, I know we have talk about this before but do you love him?" I turned to Wooyoung.

"I don't know." I lowered my head. "But that school is ruining my fucken life. I sacrificed so fucken much for that damn school. I wasn't happy while I was working towards it. I was always sad and annoyed. I barely got to do anything. I couldn't do so much because of that damn school.

Now that I have Seonghwa, I couldn't care for it. Once he told me that his school was farther than expected, I was so willing to drop that school for him.

Last night he told me not to. That he wasn't worth it.

I'm frustrated. I'm so upset that he thinks he isn't worth it. He thinks that if I drop that school to go with him, I going to ruin my life.

He isn't ruining my life. He is worth it! He is who I want to fucken be with! I couldn't care for school anymore! I just want to be with him! HE FUCKEN MAKES ME HAPPY!"

I took multiple deep breaths.

I wanted to cry again.

"Yeosang." Jongho started. I looked at him. "He really isn't worth it." My eyes started to sting again. Feeling the tears well up at that sentence. "You guys will be able to be together after you guys graduate. It's only two to four to six years. You guys can see each other on breaks. You guys can call and text. It's fine."

"I want to stay with him." I stared at him. "I don't want to be away from him."

"You're going to have to." Yunho said. "If you guys even last after college, you guys are going to be working. He is going to be working at his dad's business. He isn't going to be able to spend a lot of time with you anyways."

"Guys, can you not?" Wooyoung said. "Yeosang has finally found something or someone that he loves. He is also telling us that he finally feels happy because of Seonghwa. Why are you two trying to bring down his happiness?"

Jongho sighed. "We aren't trying to bring down his happiness. We are just saying that he shouldn't drop that school for him. He doesn't always need to be with him."

I glared at him. "Says the one that is trying to go to that same company as Hongjoong. You're following him around and yet you're coming at me for wanting to stay with Seonghwa?"

He stared at me.

"I want to drop out of school all together." I said.

"Ok woah. Dropping out is crazy." Wooyoung said. "I get dropping Seoul University to go to college with Seonghwa but completely dropping school is a big no no."

I bit my bottom lip. "I want to stay with him. I really do."

"Well, he doesn't want you to. He wants you to stay in that school. You've already worked hard. Don't throw it away like that." Yunho said.

I nodded. "He cried." I wiped my eyes.

"What?"

"He cried last night. He told me he was scared. He was scared to leave me. He didn't want to go and that he wanted to stay with me."

"It's always going to be like that."

I shook my head. "You should have seen him. It hurts to see him like that. I've never seen him so upset before. He apologized for everything. He didn't need to. He didn't even want me to stop touching him. He wanted to be so close. It hurt to hear him crying the way he did."

"I get it but you still shouldn't drop that school for him." Jongho said.

Wooyoung hugged me. "Yeosang." I rested my head on his shoulder. "If he told you not to, then you should stick with it. You talked with him about it and he told you his thoughts."

I nodded. "I know." I closed my eyes. I felt so exhausted. "I really don't like the idea of being away from him."