Safe With You || Seth Cohen

||65||

I woke up with a jolt, feeling very sick. I rushed to the bathroom and threw up, feeling absolutely terrible as I did. This was all my fault, yet I couldn't bring myself to stop. I walked out of the bathroom and over to my bed, grabbing the flask from under my pillow and staring at it.

I knew this made me a horrible person. I knew that I was destroying every ounce of progress I'd gained this last three years, yet I wanted to feel that numbing feeling again. Wanted to forget about Johnny and the cliff. Wanted to forget it all. 

There was a knock on my door and I dropped the flask in a panic. I kicked it under my bed as Seth walked in. 

"Hey, you ready for school?" He asked me and I glanced down at myself. I definitely was not ready. 

"Um, I need to get a quick shower and I'll be right down."

"Ally, are you okay? You never oversleep."

"Yeah, I'm fine, I promise."

"Okay." Seth said and I pushed away the guilt I felt as he walked out of my room. I leaned down and grabbed the flask off the ground, shoving into my purse quickly.

~~~~

I walked into Johnny's house with Ryan and Seth. Ryan wanted to stop by and check on Sadie for some odd reason. 

"I don't know but I'll figure it out. No one's taking your house, I promise, okay? Love you, bye." Sadie was saying as we walked into the kitchen. She looked up as she saw us. 

"Hey, so I just thought I'd stop by before school, see how everything's going." Ryan stated, walking over to Sadie. Sadie didn't look too happy as she glanced to him. 

"The bank's gonna foreclose on my aunt's mortgage and until the cops figure out how Johnny died, there's no insurance money from his accident, so now the insurance company's frozen the claim."

"He fell off a cliff." Ryan stated. 

"Yeah, what do they think, that Ryan pushed him?" Seth asked, making me look to Ryan in concern. The last thing he needed was to be a person of interest in someone's death.

"I guess they've recovered some new evidence." Sadie told us and Ryan frowned.

"What evidence?"

"I don't know. They wouldn't say. Don't worry, it's not you they're interested in. They asked a lot of questions about Marissa." Sadie told Ryan.

"And?"

"And I said they should talk to her."

~~~~

I sat in Seth's room as he slept next to me in the bed. I moved slowly and got out of the bed, walking out of the room. I walked downstairs and then out of the house, grabbing my bike once again. I recached the beach and approached the bonfire that had become familiar to me the past week.

"Atwood, glad you're here. The party's just getting started." Volchok stated as I walked over to him. 

"Thanks." I stated as he handed me a bottle of vodka. I poured some into my cup and took a sip and winced as it burned my throat.

"You still dating that loser Cohen?" Volchok asked me and I turned to him.

"Yes, and he's not a loser. We love each other."

"Does he know you're here?" He asked me and I looked away.

"So you don't love each other that much then." Volchok stated, and I felt tears pool in my eyes. "Screw you." I stated, standing up and leaving them. I heard them calling after me but I ignored them as I ran to my bike. I rode all the way home and entered the house, ready to be back more than anything.

I walked into the kitchen and found Julie Cooper there. 

"Oh, hey, Ally."

"Hi. I was just.." I trailed off as I walked towards the sink and poured my cup out. I winced at the smell of the vodka and quickly poured some soap onto the cup. 

"You know, vinegar works wonders." Julie stated and I turned to her. 

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Ally, if you're going to go on a bender, at least learn how to hide it better."

"I'm not going on a bender. This is the only drink I've had today." I defended. 

"And yesterday?"

"What I do with my life is none of your concern."

"Yeah, but it is Kirsten's concern, isn't it? You realize how much this would disappoint her, right?" Julie asked me and I scoffed. 

"Since when do you care about Kirsten's feelings?"

"Since when don't you?" Julie fired back and I found myself unable to respond. 

"Just think about what you're doing, Ally."

I stared at Julie for a moment before walking off. I felt tears welling in my eyes and I quickly swiped them away. What was I doing?

I went to my room and slammed the door, feeling the tears coming before I could stop them.

"Ally, hey, you're not gonna believe this. Ryan's on a road trip-" Seth started as he walked in, but stopped as he saw me crying.

"What's wrong?"

"Seth, I messed up." I stated, walking
over to him.

"Ally, whatever it is, you can tell me."

"You'll hate me."

"I could never hate you, okay." He told me, placing his hand on my cheek.

I shook my head and looked away, feeling tears fall down my cheeks.

"Ally, look at me."

"Seth, I'm so sorry. I- I've been drinking ever since Johnny's funeral."

I hated the look on his face- hated the look of betrayal.

"I don't know what to say. Why did you do it?" Seth asked me.

"I just wanted to forget about everything that happened. Wanted to forget how guilty I felt about Johnny. I just saw them drinking on the beach and it was like that was the only answer. I know I'm terrible and you probably never want to speak to me again-"

"I'm not saying that I'm not upset, or that I'm not disappointed that you thought you couldn't't talk to me, but I understand. When I was so stressed about Brown, I smoke the pot Kaitlin gave me. And I knew it wasn't good and that I shouldn't have done it, but I still did. That's like what you did. So I am upset, but I don't hate you, Ally. I love you."

I sobbed in relief at his words and pulled him into a hug.

"Seth, can you help me to stop?" I asked him.

"Of course. I'm here for you, Ally."

"Thank you Seth. I love you."

"I love you too."

As I hugged him to me, I felt the hole in my chest starting to heal. The pain and guilt I'd been feeling was slowly fading away. And I knew then it wouldn't be easy, but I'd be okay.