In the Melancholy Moonlight, Part 5: Dark Matter

Chapter 205: Dear Cedric,

September 2, 1996

Dear Cedric,
   WE DID IT, CEDRIC! Harry James Potter is my boyfriend. I am his girlfriend. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I suppose I was having a hard time believing this is real life, and we've been keeping it a secret from everyone else, but I absolutely couldn't keep it a secret from you any longer. It's real. We are. Henry gave each of us a vial containing a memory of a conversation you two had after the first task, about us. You said that the summer before sixth year was the perfect time for "romantic endeavors," and you were right. That's exactly what happened. The seventeenth of August is the day Harry told me he was in love with me, because it's six months to the day after he realized he was. He's the best, truly. He's so sweet and kind, and we understand each other so well, and we just... fit, you know? My broken pieces and his broken pieces fit together like the idea of us is a puzzle, like we were poured out of the same box, destined to be together to create something beautiful and whole despite because of our brokenness. I see him and I understand him and I love him. I love him so much I feel as if I'm going to explode from all of this love inside of me, and, well, I'm finding it possible, somehow, to carry more and more love inside of me every day, because Harry, somehow, sees me and understands me and loves me too, and I'm letting him. I'm letting him, Cedric. Can you believe that? I think you'd be proud of me.
   Summer with the twins was great, aside from the minor detail of an unfortunate Greyback encounter. That was my fault, though, not theirs. I spent most of the rest of the summer at the Burrow after that, which was nice in its own way even though I obviously missed the joke shop. We're back at school now, and it's been okay so far. Snape is the DADA professor. He's still a massive prick. He tried to use the memory of you against me, but I didn't let him, Cedric, I stood my ground. And got detention, but I don't care. I think you would be proud of me.
   The world has gone absolutely mental, Cedric. I'm terrified of losing anyone the same way we lost you, the same way we lost Sirius, even the same way I lost Mum and Dad. I'm terrified, and thinking about the war for too long sends me spiraling, but if I'm being honest, I'm not as afraid as I know I would have been if this had all been happening a year ago. As scared as I am of losing anybody I love, losing you taught me that life still goes on. It feels cruel for the world to keep turning without the people on it who seemed to make it turn, but it does. I hated it for a long time, I wanted to dig my heels in and force the world to stop turning and grieve with me, but I slowly learned to keep up with the world again, and I think I might even be glad that it kept turning, even when I wanted it to stop. I had to learn to live again, and I think I did, with the help of my friends. I think you would be proud of me.
   I miss you so much. Sometimes I'm glad that you're not here because it means you never had to watch the world crumble and burn, but more than that, selfishly, I miss you and I wish you were still here. Sometimes I think the world crumbled because it didn't have you in it — I know mine, at the very least, did. But I found a way to rebuild my world even without the help I once had from you, and I think the world will find a way to rebuild itself too, once it stops tearing itself apart. I have hope. For myself, and for everyone else. I think you would be proud of me.
   Harry is the brightest of bright spots in all of this darkness and chaos. I still can't believe Harry fancies me. I'm so madly in love with him. And I'm letting him love me too. The Lucy you knew never would have dreamed of allowing Harry to know her secret, let alone allowing him to date her and love her and tell her he loves her. But I am doing all of that, and I'm loving him right back with everything I have. I think you would be proud of me.
   I love you. I miss you. I love you. I miss you. I love you. I miss you. I love you. I miss you. I love you. I miss you.
   Love always, Lucy

🩵💛❤️💜🩷

September 3, 1996