In the Melancholy Moonlight, Part 5: Dark Matter

Chapter 215: Dear Cedric,

November 25, 1996

Dear Cedric,
   It's a full moon tonight. I don't know what to do. She got hurt last month. It was nothing serious, she was okay, Ginny and I overreacted a bit, but even as I write this, I can't help but remember all of the times I've seen her bleed because of the full moon and it's breaking me apart. She deserves so much better. I don't know how I can make it better. I don't know IF I can make it better. I'll do everything in my power to find something, anything, but in the meantime, all I can do is sit here in the common room and wait for dawn so I can hurry down to Hagrid's hut with my jumpers.
   In other news, our co-captaincy is off to a decent start. We won our match against Slytherin, even though we were down a player — Katie Bell got cursed and had to be taken to St. Mungo's. I wish you were there to take care of her. I wish you were still here. There's still so much I wish I could ask you.
   Lucy misses you terribly, but she's okay. Life is hard for everyone right now for various reasons, but you'd be so proud of Lucy in particular. She doesn't let anything keep her down for long. She gets better at bouncing back every time. I probably shouldn't worry about her as much as I do. She's going to continuing finding ways to keep persevering. She's so very brave, but I suppose you already knew that.
   I hope you are happy, wherever you are. And if you ever find a way to come back somehow, please do. Everyone misses you.
   Sincerely, Harry

🩵💛❤️💜🩷

November 25, 1996

Dear Cedric,
   It's the night of the full moon, so I can't sleep. Not that I've truthfully been sleeping much anyway, but I know for a fact that sleep will not find me tonight. I hope Lucy's okay. I can hear Fred pacing upstairs. George is still in the kitchen — I think he's baking cookies. I doubt any of us will sleep tonight.
   My mum is dead, Cedric. I miss her so much.
   It's not fair. Nobody knows who did it. She's not the only one who's dead. Hannah Abbott's mum died a couple of weeks ago. Eloise Midgen's dad died a couple of months ago. The collective grief is growing heavier by the day. The collective fear was heavy enough. I don't know how everyone is going to find a way to carry on, after we've lost so much between us.
   I was alone after I lost you, but I wasn't alone after I lost Mum. Archie and George and Fred and even Lucy have been with me to various extents. I'm writing this in the twins' flat. I've been sleeping here almost every night for a little over a month now. It's easier, in a way, than living in my flat or living with my dad. It's something new, something separate, it's a place Mum never was. When I want a reminder of her, I can go somewhere else and be reminded, but it's nice being able to leave too. I don't know. You'd think I would know what to expect from this grief, since I've grieved you too, but it's so different. Is every grief different? And what happens when the grief doesn't stop compounding? I don't know how Lucy managed, losing you and then losing your parents. I wouldn't wish this on anybody, but especially not her.
   I'll see her over Christmas holiday, I know that for sure. The Weasleys invited us to Christmas at the Burrow. I'm not sure if Dad and Gretch will want to go, but I will at least make a brief visit to make sure Lucy's okay — the full moon is on Christmas Eve this year, which is just so unfair. Lucy deserves so much better from this world. She deserved to have you and to keep you. It's so unfair that the world robbed you from me, from everyone, but especially from her. But she's okay, somehow. Despite everything, she's still okay. You'd be so proud of her, I know you would. We all are.
   I'm an Order member now. I haven't gone on any missions yet, seeing as I just officially joined a couple days ago, but I'm an Order member now. I don't want to lose anyone else. I want to do everything I can to make sure I don't have to lose anyone else, to make sure no one has to lose anyone else. It's just so unfair. I know that I can't save the world, and I know that maybe no one can, but I want to try, damn it, I HAVE to try.
   What self-respecting Hufflepuff would just give up in the face of so much injustice? Not me, that's for sure, and certainly not you.
   I miss you so much, Cedric. I love you. Take care of my mum for me, please, and let her take care of you too. I miss you both. I love you both.
   Love, Henry

🩵💛❤️💜🩷

November 25, 1996

Dear Cedric,
   Hi, it's Gretchen Furls. Henry's sister. I know we only met a couple of times, but Henry told me that he writes you letters and that it makes him feel better, so I decided I would try.
Our mum is dead. Missing her hurts so much. I don't know if I'll ever be happy again. What should I do?
   How much should I try to remember her? Would it be easier to try to forget her? I know I would never fully succeed, but would it hurt less if I tried to forget her? Does even thinking about trying to forget her make me selfish?
   I've been trying to remember her. I went home for her funeral and stayed there for a few days before it and after it. I see Mum in Henry, and I see Mum every time I look in the mirror. I sleep with her blanket on my bed. I keep lots of pictures of her next to my bed, and I keep my favorite picture of our family under my pillow.
   I miss her so much, Cedric. It hurts. I know missing you hurts the people who loved you too. What should we do? What CAN we do?
   I know you can't answer. I'm sorry. I just figured I should ask you anyway, just in case. The real you, at any rate. I talk to your portrait too. You are very nice, in all of your forms.
   Everyone misses you. I understand why.
   Sincerely, Gretchen Furls