In the Melancholy Moonlight, Part 5: Dark Matter

Chapter 236: How You Got the Girl

LUCY:

I stuffed the letter to Cedric into an envelope and tossed it beneath my bed before reaching for a tissue and blowing my nose. My roommates were still in Herbology, so I didn't have to worry about bothering anyone with my loud honking. I sighed shakily as I vanished the tissue and reached for another one, then another one, then another one. I felt awful. I needed a nap. But it was nearly time for Potions and not showing up for that class too would only fuel the rumors that were surely circulating already.

My tears had stopped by the time I was done trumpeting into a fifth tissue, and I splashed a bit of cold water on my face before heading downstairs.

To my horror, Harry was waiting near the base of the stairs to the girls' dormitory. I could tell he was trying not to look like he was waiting for me, but I knew him too well to believe that and I was quite certain he knew that too.

A miniscule smile was toying with the corners of his mouth. "Are you alright? I heard — "

"Piss off." I intended it to come out jokingly, but it sounded sharp even to my own ears.

Harry froze, his face dropping.

I was talking again before he could say anything else. "No, I'm not alright. In what world would I be alright?"

"Sorry," Harry said. He sounded sincere. "I just — "

"I know," I interrupted. "Why were you just standing there listening to me blow my nose?"

"I wasn't just standing here listening to you blow your nose," he snapped. He huffed. "I had just gotten to the common room when I heard... that. And I figured it was you and I wanted to talk to you before we have to sit next to each other in Potions, so here I am. And I — I don't want to make this about me because I'm more worried about you than I am about myself, but — I'm not exactly alright either."

I nodded. "Right. We're still..." Together. I still love you. "Right." I sighed. "I'll be civil."

I opened my mouth to say I was sorry, but something in between anger and shame had tied my vocal cords together. Whatever I said next was just going to hurt him. Harry waited patiently for a moment, but when no sound escaped me, he sighed.

"I'll take civil," he muttered. "Thanks."

I bit my lips together as I nodded. I wanted to reach for him, take his hand, do something to tell him we'd be okay even when words failed me, but I was too scared. I always lost control over my magic when I was emotional.

Harry stared at me. I knew he could see the war happening behind my eyes. The silence was heavy. It hurt. It wasn't the same comfortable silence we had shared so many times before.

"What's on your mind?" I asked when I couldn't bear it anymore. "I thought you wanted to talk to me. I'm here, go ahead, say what you need to say."

"I just want to know what you're thinking," he replied.

I shook my head. "No, you don't."

He opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again. "Oh." The hurt in his eyes intensified. "I — I see. Okay."

With that, he turned on his heel and started heading toward the portrait hole.

"Wait!" I reached out for Harry, jogging forward, pulling my hand back at the last second so I didn't touch him, didn't hurt him. He turned around, expression unreadable. "I didn't — I didn't mean it like — like I was thinking something horrid about you — "

"Oh, really?" he snapped. "You've changed your mind about me since last night, then?"

"Yes!" I burst out. "Well — no, but — I mean yes, I have, a bit, and I — I don't want to hurt you — "