In the Melancholy Moonlight, Part 5: Dark Matter

Chapter 259: I Watched It Begin Again

CLAIRE:

I was so brave.

Truthfully, I was more excited for college than I was afraid, but there was a profound melancholy sting in my chest as well as I started packing that only intensified when the packing was done, then again when my parents hosted my going-away party, then again when the car was loaded, then again when we embarked on the six-hour drive north to school. By the time I was moved into my dorm, however, the ache was almost entirely replaced by determination, amplified by the excited adrenaline rush that always accompanied something new.

It was time for my fresh start. And I was ready for it.

My roommate had already moved in, but she wasn't in the room when I arrived, so I was able to move in very efficiently with my parents' help. I was settled rather quickly, and then it was time to say goodbye.

No. Not goodbye.

"I'll see you in a couple of months," I said, offering my parents a brave smile despite the tightness in my throat. "Thank you for all of your help moving, that would have taken me ages by myself — "

"You don't have to thank us, we're always happy to help, and we're always just a phone call away," Mom interrupted as she rested her hands on my shoulders. I brought my forehead to hers as she kept talking. "I mean it, honey, if you need anything for any reason, just call, and we will drop everything and be here in six hours."

"Five," Dad choked out.

Mom and I both turned to look at him just as the tears spilled down his cheeks.

"I'll be here in five hours if you need anything, Claire Bear," he said, fully crying at that point. "We love you so much, and — and we're so proud of you, and — and we're going to miss you, and — and — "

I jumped into his arms, and he trembled as he hugged me back. I didn't dare speak, for fear of shaking loose the tears in my throat. I knew that if I started crying too, I'd never stop.

Mom joined the hug after a couple of seconds, and the three of us remained locked like that for a very long time.

I pulled away first, swallowing hard, summoning my courage.

"I love you," I said as I looked back and forth between Mom and Dad. I wanted to memorize every detail of their faces, on the off-chance this was the last time we'd ever see each other. I knew in my heart of hearts that this wasn't a goodbye, but... after Lucy... "So much. I'm going to be back home before you know it, Thanksgiving is really just around the corner, if you think about it. I'm going to be okay. I promise."

"We know." Mom reached out to hold my face, tears glimmering in her eyes. "You're going to be better than okay, honey. You're going to shine so bright."

I cleared my throat in an attempt to force away the tears still trying to claw their way to the surface. "I'll do my best. And — if — if anything happens with Lucy, please — please let me know."

"Of course," Mom said, "of course."

Dad let out another gut-wrenching sob, and the three of us hugged again, painfully aware of the absence of the fourth person who should have been in the hug with us. In time, we all broke apart, and I hugged Mom and Dad each individually. They both held tight to me, and I could tell they were scared that they were going to lose me too.

"I expect a welcome-home parade in November," I said, raising an eyebrow at my parents. "You're only crying because you're thinking about Thanksgiving and you're scared the Bears are going to lose the Thanksgiving Day game, right?"

"Right." Dad nodded, wiping the tears from his cheeks. "Of course. That's it. You're right. You know us too well."

I grinned. "Save your tears for after the game, Dad."