In the Melancholy Moonlight, Part 5: Dark Matter

Chapter 254: Hope That Love Will See Me Through (September 1971)

CASSIDY:

I couldn't breathe. It felt like my heart was going to explode out of my chest. I was actually going to go to magic school. All I had to do was run directly at a brick wall without anyone else seeing me do so, and then board the train. The ticket in my hand was crumpled, not because I'd crushed it, but because my hand was so sweaty it had soaked through every spot on the ticket I'd pinched between my thumb and forefinger.

I tried again to take a deep breath to steel myself before I charged at the brick wall — suitcase in my right hand, ticket in my left, heavy backpack digging into my shoulders, Walkman tucked protectively under my left arm, right up against my racing heart — but the oxygen seemed to lodge itself uselessly in my throat as nauseating anxiety rushed up to counteract any strength it might have offered me.

No. There was no way I'd ever be able to just run at that brick wall, into a world where magic was somehow real and I was somehow a part of it.

But what choice did I really have? Even if I did give up and go home, I had no idea what kind of reception would await me. I doubted my parents would be understanding or forgiving, even if I lied and said it was all a hoax, one big cruel practical joke. No, they were convinced, they believed magic was real, alright, they just didn't call it that. They called it evil. They called me evil.

No. There was no way I'd ever be able to just run back home, either. Magic was somehow still real there, but there, I was evil. At least in the world where magic was real, I wouldn't be evil for being a part of it.

Giving up on the concept of taking a deep breath entirely, I looked around me. I was surrounded by people, it was suffocating, but nobody was paying me any mind. It was as good a time to go for it as any.

I bowed my head, closed my eyes, and sprinted forward.

Darkness surrounded me on all sides for a moment, but only for a moment.

When I opened my eyes again, I was in a brighter place than I had been before.

A beautiful train gleamed on the tracks. Throngs of children and teenagers and parents milled about the platform, laughing, waving, crying, saying hellos and goodbyes. I tentatively moved forward, not wanting to be in the way of whoever crossed onto the platform next, and boarded the train.

I had gotten to the train station several hours early, just in case, I didn't want to be late, but I'd hovered so long between Platforms 9 and 10, hiding so I could watch other people pass through the brick wall, that it was almost eleven o'clock. As such, the train was rather full, and loud, and I was so overwhelmed I really just wanted a quiet place to sit, preferably an empty car. It was the middle of the night back home, and though my anxiety was giving me the adrenaline I needed to stay awake, the thought of getting a couple hours of sleep in an empty car was an appealing one. But I passed car after car after car after car, and none were empty. Quite a few had empty seats that I could have taken, but, well, I was shy. Always had been. I knew I'd need to be brave and talk to someone and try to make friends, but I wasn't quite ready yet.

Not until I reached a car near the end of the train that was empty except for a boy, wearing what looked like a really expensive suit except for the fact that it appeared to be a robe, and a snake. A massive snake. I was terrified of snakes and wanted to run away, but the expression on the boy's face gave me pause. He was staring out the window, looking so profoundly sad and maybe a little scared too. His skin was almost deathly pale, meaning his short dark curls were a sharp contrast to his face. His eyes were a dark shade of green, noticeable even from the distance I was standing, and obviously troubled.

I could have turned back. The boy was clearly lost in thought. He hadn't seen me. I could have turned back and gone to find a compartment as far away from the snake as possible, but, well, I had never been one to turn my back on someone who was lonely. I knew the feeling of loneliness too well to just let this boy sit by himself, especially when he looked so... defeated.