FLASHLIGHT

CH 16 Ishani

How dare he talks with me like that ? Who is he just my guest right, then who gave him the right to question me about what I feel about anyone . Even if I am not able to over come my past he has no right to interfere in my life .

I thought Ritesh can understand what and how I feel but he doesn't . Its is so unbelievable that he was the same guy who gave me hope last night , trusted that with him I can change everything and today morning he is the same guy who showed distrust . No one trusts me the people outside my house and even the people inside my house . 

Why do I even care what he thinks of me who is he just a guest . I am mad, I am the one who got attached to  him . I am the one who expected a lot from him . 

Disheartened I am 

Sad I feel

I collapse I weep 

And  how can expectations make me feel like this ?

That I lost my old self  like a lost twin in a funfair 

And now what is happening with me is unfair 

In the snake and ladder game 

I am the one eaten by the snake 

Cause I trusted a snake to help me climb a ladder keeping me safe 

that's when I took a wrong step 

when I kept hope from a snake known to bite a heel 

all he did was give me a wound which will never heal .

Poisoned my life made it blue green 

And all this happed because of an expectation now I will never keep .

These lines crossed my mind . It suited my present situation . I never expected this from Ritesh . I was in such a good mood I had planned the entire day with him . I had planned that we will sit in the library , we will talk , giggle , watch a movie together . And I don't know why I thought of sleeping in his embrace again . The thought scared me a bit because yesterday I slept in his embrace and I don't know how I dreamt of Viraj . It was a good dream which showcased my past life with him . Our kitchen romance when Viraj and I use to cook together the way he use to feed me .

 And one day he fed me something that I forgot everything . 

Eh! Why is it so difficult to overcome this grief .  I got stabbed by him a billion of time not with a knife but with his words , with his actions . When I am not dead  he is killing me slowly every day. 

And now Ritesh also did the same he made me loose my senses without drugging me . I wish I never fought with him . I still feel I should go and ask him the reason behind his disappointment but I won't forgive him easily . 

Before returning to my room I had told Gangu to give me my breakfast in my bed . I don't want to face Ritesh he should realize his mistake and I can't repeat my old mistakes .   

After eating Parathas I felt so sluggish . 

I still feel like eating more and more even though I ate 4 whole Parathas . This feeling of wanting more which parathas give me is out of the world before I could order one more paratha I got up and gave my plate to Champa .