Beyoncé stayed in Michelle's arms for another hour; she was then forced out of her sanctuary and pushed into a world that had grown to fear. She was not sure why she was suddenly scared. Maybe it was because she was no longer in Michelle's arms; she had distanced herself from the woman and walked nearly ten paces behind her. She had begun to mimic her sister's behavior; she had never walked so close to Kierra; she never wanted people to get any ideas. Still, Beyoncé wasn't mainly distancing herself for safety reasons, she was mainly doing it because she felt as if she didn't deserve to be so close to Michelle anymore.
As Beyoncé walked through the town, she just couldn't shake off the nagging feeling that had been gnawing at her for weeks. Doubts and insecurities crept into her mind, whispering that she wasn't good enough and that she was failing as a girlfriend. Her relationship with Michelle had always been a source of joy and comfort. But lately, Beyoncé had noticed a distance creeping in between them. Michelle's smile seemed strained, her hugs less warm, and her words fewer and far between. Although Michelle showed no signs of resentment towards Beyoncé, the woman just couldn't help but think she had wronged her lover.
Beyoncé found herself constantly second-guessing her actions. Was she too demanding? Has she asked for too much but didn't give anything in return? Was she too clingy? Did she spend too much time talking about her past instead of focusing on her future with Michelle? She replayed conversations in her mind, dissecting every word, every tone, searching for clues of where she had gone wrong. Still, she couldn't pinpoint her exact mistake; she couldn't figure out what she had done wrong.
"You would think someone who lived in this town all their life would be aware of the many places within the town, not just the church," Michelle said, causing Kierra to shoot her a playful glare.
"I am aware of other places in town, I just find solace in the house of God. Maybe you should do the same, it just may do you some good," Kierra retorted.
"No, thank you, I'd much rather make love in my bed, not in the pulpit. Still, I admire your will to sin under the Lord's roof. That's another level of sin, surely you've outdone me with that one."
Kelly rolled her eyes and inserted herself into the conversation. "I doubt you've ever committed a sexual act in church."
"Well, I've never done such things in the church but I have slept with a pastor; however, he wasn't too holy. Honestly, he was one of the worst men I've ever dated, worse than a criminal and he wasn't any good either."
"How the hell did you end up with a pastor anyway?" Kelly asked.
Michelle sighed. "I don't even know how we ended up together. It was some sort of miracle or curse now that I think about it. Still, the way he entered my life made me think it was truly meant to be; however, it was like some kind of twisted fate. The devil sent him to me wrapped in a nice pretty bow and I never rejected a gift. Still, I refuse to dwell on the past; my future is my main concern."
Michelle looked back at Beyoncé and smiled. Although the exchange was meant to be sweet, Beyoncé couldn't help but feel bad as she hadn't focused on her future like Michelle had. Still, Beyoncé forced a smile on her face and hoped that it seemed real enough to fool the woman. Of course, Michelle wasn't a fool; she knew a fake smile when she saw one; however, she ignored it and vowed to address it later.
Michelle turned back around and continued her conversation with Kierra. As they talked, Kelly looked at her sister and noticed her abnormal behavior. For some reason, the woman wasn't skipping down the road humming show tunes; she didn't look like she was in her world of sunshine and rainbows anymore.
"What's wrong? You're trailing behind, that's not normal for you," Kelly said, causing Beyoncé.
"Kelly, do you think I'm selfish? Please be honest with me. I don't want to hear any more lies. I'm grown, I can take the truth."
