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Sounds of constant chatter filled my ears as I numbly looked at the marble floor. Everyone seemed happy to be at this nicely decorated wedding, if they knew the thoughts running around my head, I would be thrown out immediately. I silently cursed myself for even considering coming to this wedding, but I was here for closure and I knew witnessing my lover getting married would be more than enough.
My soft hands went to my swollen belly and a small feeling of guilt washed over me. I wanted to tell Jabari that he was expecting a child, but fear of rejection kept me from doing so. Some may think that he has a right to know, but Jabari wants kids; I expect he would never want them from me, a natural-born man.
Jabari's internalized homophobia runs deep; he says he loves me, but I've never felt that from him. I wouldn't be surprised at the lengths he would go to keep me as his dirty little secret. I pretty much watched Jabari fall in love with the girl of his dreams. They were going to get married, maybe have a few children, and become one of the world's best married couples.
I was so deep into my thoughts that I didn't realize the bride gracefully walking down the aisle. I'm not a hater, but she looks very beautiful. I can't bring myself to hate her because she knows nothing about the relationship her soon-to-be husband has with me. As I took on Jabari's appearance, I looked into his eyes, and I saw that familiar sparkle of pure happiness as he watched his bride approach him.
If anybody were to look at me, they would probably think I was crying tears of happiness. After the officiant finished his speech, he said to the now-married couple to kiss. As I looked at the kiss, it was filled with urgency and pure love. Like clockwork, that was my cue to leave. I now knew it was time for me to move on.
No one noticed my sudden departure as they were too busy clapping for the newly married couple. As I made my way to my car, I was filled with sudden excitement. No one knew I was going to leave this city altogether. Many would question why the unexpected disappearance. Jabari would one day be filled with deep regret that he didn't cherish me. Some would even go too far as to look for me, but I would be hard to reach and hard to find.
Turning on the radio, I smiled and sang along to the music as I drove. As the sun shined bright, this was the start of a new journey.
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