Black Bxb Oneshots

Coldest Winter

The TV played a Christmas movie as I snuggled against the warm clothes that were wrapped around my body. My eyes became heavy, and I occasionally blinked seven times to relieve my eyes of their tiredness. As the clock hit 12, there were no sounds of tires rubbing against the small rocks on the ground, nor was there a shining light from two headlights. I wanted so badly to succumb to the darkness, but I had hope that the man I love would be expecting me to wait for him.

Years ago, I fell in love with my childhood best friend, and although we went through many trials and tribulations, we came out strong. As Jazmine Sullivan sings, love doesn't last too long these days. I don't know what I did wrong, but our marriage is slowly going downhill, and I don't know what to do to save it. I cook, I clean, I do what I should to cater to my husband, but it seems that the wall built between us is getting bigger and bigger as time goes on. Yet here I am, up past midnight, clinging to hope and trying not to think the worst.

I miss his touch, I miss his kisses on my neck, I miss the way he would smile at my corny jokes—I miss him. When I try to communicate with him, he brushes me off and isolates himself from me. I trust him more than anything in this world, but I can't shake the nagging feeling that my lover is seeking affection from another. Tears escape my eyes at my current situation. How did it get like this, and how do I fix it?

I was so wrapped up in my head that I didn't hear the front door being closed. As I looked up from my position on the soft couch, I saw the tall man walking at a slow pace, his hazel eyes cast down to the marble floor. I wanted him to look at me and acknowledge his husband, but he ignored my presence and continued on to our room. I followed him into the huge room we shared, beginning to worry that something was weighing heavily on his wandering mind.

"What are you just standing there for, Beau? Say what you've got to say," he said, and I can't lie—I was slightly hurt by the tone he used.

"What did I do wrong?" I asked, pausing before continuing. "I know you see our marriage isn't what it used to be. You treat me like I'm some kind of stranger. Calvin, you're barely home; you come home later than you usually do, but not once did I ever question it. When you got down on your knees and I said yes, I agreed to become your partner, your everything. We built our bond on trust, but how is this marriage going to work if you don't let me in? I want to be there for you, baby—please talk to me."

I could tell he was thinking hard about what I said, but like the stubborn man he is, here he comes shutting me down again. I stood behind him for what felt like an eternity, waiting for his response. When I concluded he was ignoring me, the burning rage building inside of me threatened to come out.

"Why do you do this to yourself? Instead of letting me in, you continue to treat me like I'm some kind of pest. This marriage isn't going to last if you don't communicate with me, Calvin!" I yelled. When he still stood there in silence, I continued my angry rant, only to be stopped by his thunderous yell.

"I don't love you anymore, Beau!" he yelled, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. "That spark we once had isn't there anymore. Man, I keep forcing myself to live this double life when I know who my heart beats for, and it's just not you," he said, angry tears running down his red eyes.

"I know I should've told you beforehand that I fell out of love with you, but I couldn't bear to see you hurt. But it's too late for that shit. You can't even give me kids. My career hasn't been the same since I came out, and if I'm being real, that shit was for nothing. I risked everything to be with you, but it's not the same, Beau. It's just not the same," he vented.

My tear-stained eyes were wide, and my mouth gaped open like a fish. I was stuck on the words that flew out of his mouth; my mind was trying to understand what just transpired, but I couldn't come up with anything. The slamming of the front door brought me out of my thoughts, and just like that, I was left alone to deal with my raging thoughts. He left me to probably go be with that very woman he claimed to love.

I stood there for a long time with a blank face and welcomed the pen-dropping silence. Just like that, I was crouched by the toilet, releasing all the food I had previously eaten. After wiping my filthy mouth, more tears escaped my eyes as I laid against the tub, crying my heart out until I welcomed the darkness. How was I going to get through this?