All I wanted

Chapter 6

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It's been a year since I murdered my mother. I still regret it and yet I don't understand why she wanted to kill me. I'll have to pay for what I did by dying, but only when I'm 18 and that won't be for a while yet.

"Lillya!" I jump up from the floor and take a step back as someone unlocks the door to my room and looks at me with warm eyes. "Dad?" Normally you're rarely, if ever, allowed to see the prisoners, but as my father is the replacement Cancellor, he can probably do more than others. But that didn't make him visit me first.

Marcus takes me in his arms and squeezes like it's the last time he'll ever hug me. "What's wrong, Dad?" "I can't let you live with the guilt that you're to blame for June's behaviour." My eyes are felt with water. "What did she mean he died because of me? Who died?"

"June wasn't herself anymore. After you were born a long time ago, she got pregnant again. We had to remove the baby because we already had a child and otherwise she would have been punished with the death penalty. It affected her so much that she lost her child that she went crazy and blamed her anger on you. But you are not to blame. You did what you had to do and that was more than strong."
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I wake up and sit in my tent. The thoughts in my head seem to be killing me and all I can think about is my mum's death and that maybe 300 other people died today and I could have prevented it.

When someone looks into the tent opposite me, I flinch and listen more closely. "Your up?" Bellamy. "Yeah knowing that hundreds of people might be dying on The Ark makes it pretty hard to sleep." Clarke. I open a small crack so I can see them both.

"Raven's flares will work." "Her radio woul've worked better." He takes a deep breath. "Have you seen Octavia?" No. Its Octavia. She's probably chasing butterflies, or-" "Clarke. I've checked the camp. She's not here."

"Okey. I will help you find her. Let's check again. You go to the dropship. I will check the rest of the tents." "Thank you." "Don't thank me. I'm not doing this for you. Im doing it for Octavia."

I leave the tent and walk to them. Bellamy looks at me, puzzled and worried at the same time, because he really cares about his sister. "I'll help you find her."

After the three of us haven't found her anywhere in the camp either, Bellamy drags the whole group out and throws a cloth full of different weapons on it. "Hey. everyone, gather around and grab a weapon. My sister's been missing out there alone for 12 hours. Arm up. We're not coming back without her."

As they all grab a gun and prepare, Bellamy comes over to me and Clarke. "We need a tracker. Finn! Get out here."

We all run out of the camp. "Guys. Guys come here." "What is that?" "Its so bright. You see that?" I walk into the centre of everyone with Clarke and we look up. Hundreds of little lights are flying in our direction. My heart suddenly goes cold and I look at Clarke, who is looking at me with the exact same look.

"They didnt work." I turn round and see Raven. "They didnt see the flares." "A meteor shower tells you that?" Our attention turns to Bellamy. "Its not a meteor shower. Its a funeral. Hundreds of bodies being returned to Earth from the Ark. This is what it looks like from the other side. They didnt get our message."

"This is all because of you!" Raven runs through the crowd to Bellamy. "I hope you find the radio!" "Yeah after you jacked it from my pod and trasehd it!" I grab her arm and hold her back with Finn. "Yeah, he knows. Now he has to leave with it." My eyes flick briefly to Clark and even if she's right, I almost feel sorry for her blaming Bellamy.