Warning!!!
selfharm / suicid thoughts
I've been hearing a soft piano from these damn loudspeakers the whole time. I don't know where I am and all I see is white. A bed, a toilet, a washbasin and white walls. I'm slowly losing it. My hair is combed and falls gently over my shoulders. I'm wearing clean white clothes and the arm with my self-harm scars is bandaged.
I stand up and walk around the room. What is this place? There's a small round window by the door so I can look out into the corridor. There's another room opposite, but there's nobody in it. I look for something in my room so I can get out. I take the bucket and smash it against the small window pane. I carefully reach for the doorbell and open it. Before I go out, I take one of the shards with me and put it in my trouser pocket.
I walk quickly through the building, looking in vain for a way out, when I hear a voice. Clarke. I run round the corner and see her pushing a girl with black hair against a wall and holding a shard against her neck. "Clarke." I run to her and she immediately hugs me when she sees me. "Lillya." "What is this?" "I don't know." She turns back to the girl staring at us in fear. "Open it!" She slowly pulls a card out of her trousers and opens the lift. We all go in and Clarke pushes the girl against the wall of the lift. "Witch level?" She shivers and presses level 5.
"Who are you people? Answer me! How many of us are here? Where are they? Say something!" I grab Clarke's shoulder to reassure her. I'm worried about our people too, but it's no use like this. The lift door opens and we run out, suddenly standing in front of a hall filled with people laughing and eating. Clarke lets go as a woman stands up and points at us. "Containment breach. Containment breach!" The girl breaks free and runs away as an alarm goes off and everyone screams and runs around. We both look at each other. "Where the hell are we?"
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They separate me and Clarke to take Clarke to the medical to have her arm wound tended to. They take me to an office. An old man tells me all about this place. About the people who live here and that we are safe here. A trolley with clothes is placed in front of me and they leave me alone so that I can change. I take a simple pair of trousers and a white T-shirt. Once I'm ready, they take me into a room. My eyes widen and I immediately run to Jasper and Monty to give them a hug. Everyone is here. Everyone except Finn, Octavia and Bellamy.
It's not long before Clarke comes round the corner. Monty immediately runs to them and hugs them. "Finn and Bellamy?" I look at Clarke and it hurts to hear his name. "Clarke, uh, they didnt make it." "We dont know that." She squeezes my hand and gives me a small smile. "What about Raven?" I turn around and look for her. Jasper and Monty just stare at me sadly. "No. No. She was there with us. Why didn't they take her?" Clarke takes both my hands and looks me in the eyes. „It's okey." "No, she can't be dead. Not her too!" She takes me in her arms and everything inside me breaks. I've lost everything. My mum. My father. Raven. Bellamy.
I try to suppress my tears as best I can because I don't want these people to see me as weak. We're going to run away. "Clarke, Lillya. If you have any questions, I'm Keenan." My eyes turn to a woman who hands us both a folder. I take it without even looking her in the face. She smiles at us and I want to smack the laughter out of her face.
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In the evening, we all sit together at long tables and eat. As delicious as the food looks, I don't take a bite. Monty and Jasper enjoy it and almost fight over it, while me and Clarke look at the plan Keeren gave us earlier. "Look. They gave us a map with no exits on it. I need you two to tell me everything you've seen. Every room. Every corridor. Every way out." "Way out? Look around you, Clarke. There's no one here chasing us. For the first time in our lives, we're not hungry. Why would we leave?"
I look at Jasper in disbelief and even though the question was directed at Clarke, I give an answer. "Because we have friends out there who need our help." "They're looking for survivors. And they're much better equipped to find them than we are." I look at Monty. "This place is too good to be true." I agree with Clarke. "You're getting on my nerves. I'm going to get more cake." Jasper gets up and walks away.
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After Clarke has stolen the key card from Maya, we run out of the hall together and shortly afterwards an alarm goes off. The guards come running towards us and we run away. When they suddenly come from all sides, I pull her towards a door. "Come on." She holds the card and I pull it open. Behind the door is an eternal staircase that leads down and up. We look at each other and I want to run upstairs when she takes the cables and pulls them apart. "Come on." We run up the steps as fast as we can and it feels like an eternity.
At the top we run to a round door and Clarke tries to open it, just before she pushes the lever down to open it Jasper's voice sounds behind us. "Clarke no! If yiu oull that lever, these people will die. Even a little radiation can kill them." We look at each other and don't know what to do. Maya immediately reaches for a gun and points it straight at Clarke. "Wait, wait." Jasper runs to us and looks at us both. "Don't do this." "I don't lie to them." "Why would they lie? We're save here because uf you two." "Not all if us."
With that sentence my heart melts and I hold her hand, she lets go of the lever and the guards run in and push us both to the floor.
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The guards take us to the old man, who explains everything to us again, but I still don't trust him. Why would they help us and why didn't they take Raven with them? After the conversation, he takes us to the hall to have dinner. I stare at the plate in front of me and again don't take a bite. Clarke carefully puts something on her fork and eats it. Judging by the look on her face, she likes it, but I don't want to eat it.
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After dinner, we all go back to our room and everyone is laughing and chatting. They seem really happy here, but I can't. Not after Bellamy and Raven. They are the most important people in my life and without them everything is dark and empty.
The lights are switched off and everyone is asleep. Everyone except me, because I can't sleep a wink. I try not to cry, but I can't stop the little sobs. Tears are streaming down my face and I feel so alone. I reach under my bed where I have hidden the shard and take off the bandage. I place the shard against my skin and make a long cut. The blood takes a while to flow and I make a second cut, and a third. It is already dripping onto my bed when I place the shard on my wrist. My whole body is shaking and I can't stand it any longer. This voice in my head that keeps telling me that it would be easier to make the cut.
I press it into my skin as I hear someone next to me wake up and sit up. Since it's dark, she can hardly see anything and I stick the shard back under my bed and tie the same bandage around the wounds that I had earlier. It takes a while for her to finally fall asleep again, but I don't take the shard out again. I lie down and cry all night until I can't cry any more.
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1430 words.
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All I wanted
FanfictionLillya Kane is the daughter of Marcus Kane and was sent to prison at a young age. At the age of 17, she is sent to Earth with 100 other young prisoners. There, a boy called Bellamy quickly takes over the leadership, which doesn't suit her at first.
