The list of sinners

...Celia...

Fear is a primitive emotion that has managed to survive even in today's world. An emotion that has managed to breathe stronger than ever. Our fear can be caused by real threats but also by some kind of threats that come from what is stored in our brain, from what we heard, from what we saw. People find it difficult to overcome fear immediately.

So when we realize that we are afraid, we should ask ourselves how real the threat is or if we have started to generalize fear by seeking convincing evidence to strengthen it rather than challenge it. Sometimes the voice of intuition needs to be heard... being afraid can be a warning emotion.

Saturday brought many new things that I always thought I would stay away from, but it seemed that in some way I had become a part of it. The image of silver knives on one side and the sight of Tian didn't seem to match. I could never combine the coldness of the knife with Tian's humor. I just couldn't find a connection.

The weekend passed quickly, making room for another school week. It had been almost three months at university, and very little separated us from the end-of-year holidays. I could hardly wait to return to my home as I so desperately needed a long break from all the turmoil happening in Connecticut. Winter continued its course and had no intention of stopping as clear orders were given to people. Not even standing in front of the heater made me feel like drinking water anymore.

Tian had tried many times to drive me home, but I would refuse immediately. I would tell him that I needed to take a break from work as the boss had asked me to talk, even resorting to the most idiotic lies that could exist. I knew I shouldn't lie, but what else could I say except, "Hey Tian, I saw a box of knives in your room and I suspect you"?

I walked to university bundled up, looking for mercy in the clothes I wore to protect me from the cold that attacked me from every side. I didn't know how I would act in school with Tian's presence from now on, always being around him. As soon as I stepped into the university, I looked for the pair. I found Vicky sitting on the bench, but Tian was nowhere to be seen. It was something new and very unusual. Vicky occasionally put the phone to her ear, trying to reach someone. I gave her a nod and headed towards Vicky, pretending not to know about the knives in Tian's room.

"Hey Vicky."

"Hey Celia."

"Where's Tian?"

"I don't know, he hasn't been answering since yesterday, and he still has his phone turned off."

"Since yesterday?"

Vicky nodded in agreement, leaving her phone lying on the bench that she had been holding tightly for a while, trying to reach Tian.

"He hasn't told you anything... does he have a job or a family problem?"

"He hasn't told me anything Celia."

I couldn't find a better moment than now to tell Vicky what had been gradually revealed to me, like peeling an onion.

"V-Vicky?"

"Yes?"

"I have to tell you something."

"Of course, go ahead."

"I think Tian has been hiding something from us."

"What do you mean?"

I started telling Vicky everything I had seen, trying to keep my emotions aside.

"I think he might be... involved in the murders... I don't know."

"What you're saying makes sense in a way Celia, but I don't understand... what would be the motive?"

"If only we knew."

"Why wouldn't he harm me after all these years?"

"Maybe to avoid suspicion."

"Celia, I don't know what to think right now, but first we need to find Tian and then it's best for him to explain to us as soon as possible."

"Both of you!"

We turned our heads in the direction of the voice that caught our attention. It was one of Savannah's close friends heading towards our bench, not looking very happy at first glance.

"What do you want Teresa?" Vicky asked.

"Where is that Tian of yours?"

"Why do you need Tian?"

"Savannah hasn't answered for two days."

"And then? Do you think Tian should know where the hell Savannah is going?"

"And the last time we saw them, they were arguing," Teresa said.

"What could Tian possibly argue with Savannah about?" I asked. We were hardly involved with you.

"You should ask Tian this question, dummy."

"We don't know where Tian is, so he's missing," Vicky said.

Teresa left very annoyed by Vicky's words. Two first-year students were missing with a close daily difference, and above all, they weren't answering their phones. Vicky and I looked at each other with a worried look. Our concern was nothing but fear. A fear that didn't have a specific basis, a fear that I didn't know if it was true or the next madness. After all that I went through at school, I had to deal with work as well. All the time I just thought about going home and becoming one with the bed, trying to forget everything I had heard, seen, and thought.

As the light on the horizon diminished more and more, fear turned into tension. It was getting darker, and along with it, it seemed that hopes were fading. Tian must have been alive by now, but Vicky hadn't informed me about this. The tension was becoming unbearable, taking my breath away. It felt like an ugly song playing in the background that you were forced to listen to. Like being in a traffic jam with no end in sight.

After the last client left, I started to clean up the little office. I wanted negative emotions to be cleaned up in the same way from my being. The phone I had in my pocket started shaking constantly, and from this, I understood it wasn't a message but a phone call.

"Hey Vicky, is there something?"

"C-c-celia..."

"Vicky? What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"W-where are you now?"

"I'm at the cafeteria finishing work for today, why, what's happened?"

"Celia... it's everywhere... everywhere in the news."

"Who's everywhere? Vicky please, take a breath and try to speak a bit clearer, so I can understand you, please."

"Celia... S-Savannah and... and T-T-Tian... have been killed."